My husband recently had the temerity to tell me that I find it difficult to forgive. Well, I can tell you, I’ll never forgive him for that bit of marital honesty! But, I guess I am a “little” like Paul that I can’t seem to do what I want to do and instead do the very thing that I try to avoid – hold accounts of hurts and wrongs. With every fiber of my being I want to be able to forgive without the bind of strings. I want to be like Jesus.
Even at His death Jesus forgave, Father, forgive them (Luke 23:34). It translates that if I am a Jesus follower, forgiveness is an absolute. Jesus didn’t hold accounts of the repeated hurts, rejections, betrayals that were hurdled at him. Even knowing their true characters he kept Judas on as a disciple, never wavered with Peter, and showed compassion for the uppity desires of James and John. Forgiveness was just a part of Jesus’ DNA.
Here’s the rub, if Jesus forgave so freely, why do I find forgiveness so difficult? My slow dawning awakens me to the reality that I don’t want to take ownership of my actions, choices, and responses that need forgiveness. My emotional DNA is lacking and this inward look isn’t pretty. Forgiving a person who has caused me so much hurt is to admit, in the eyes of Jesus, that the difference between us is empty space. To forgive is to accept my need for forgiveness.
This is why my husband may be right, as much as I cringe to admit it. But. . .in my defense, I am getting closer to understanding that when I forgive, I accept the abundant forgiveness that Jesus gives me.
Jesus, thank you for instinctively forgiving me.
I need a forgiving "second" nature. I’ve been hurt
but help me to be like You, not holding on but forgiving
in the same way I have been forgiven.