On Crooked Knees

It's Time to Say Goodbye

2011-03-29T09:20:00.000-06:00

Nothing is new under the sun and so to say that life is full of twists and turns is simply to repeat what anyone who is living knows already. When I first started writing my meditations on certain verses back in January of 2008 the turn of my life at the time prompted me. The following three years provided the appropriate twists and turns dealing out copious fodder for meditations. It remains fascinating, after all these years, to see how pertinent, how fresh, how spot on, are the lives of the Old Testament, the ministry of Jesus and the epistles to the turbulence of life today.

But just as life events prompted my writing I find that life events are prompting me to stop posting anymore writings. It has been a tremendous experience and I am grateful to all who took the time to read my musings - some of you even commenting on them! So, it is with a great deal of sadness and yet peace that I sign off from writing anymore On Crooked Knees.

Thank you again. My life has grown and changed for the experience. As you continue with your journey I hope that you will make new discoveries in how God intersects with your life. He is not absent in his silence. May we all live in the fullness of the knowledge that we are created in His image.

Blessings,
Valerie

On Vacation

2011-03-21T11:45:00.000-06:00

Hi! I'm leaving town on Tuesday and will be gone for the week to celebrate my daughter's 21st birthday! What fun! Look for new writings next Monday!

Blessings!
Valerie

It's Time to Jump

2011-03-18T00:00:00.001-06:00

But for you that honor my name, victory will shine
like the sun with healing in its rays, and you will jump
around like calves at play.

Malachi 4:2

On any given day there are times when I don’t feel very playful. My spirit is depleted and even a sun shinning day doesn’t dispel the grayness. And as far as feeling victorious, well, some days I’d feel more comfortable walking around with a capital “L” on my forehead.

At these moments I become desperate for relief.

God expects a lot when He demands honor in the middle of adversity. However, I do find hope in the word but. God promises that He will deal with the arrogant and evildoers, but my true pleasure will come when I give Him the glory.

During desperate times victory will come in due time. The sun will shine again and leaping with joy I’ll finally walk out of the darkness into the sun’s warmth. So today I stand in His presence. Calf jumping will come later and no doubt when I least expect it.

Jesus, help me to live each day in a way that honors You.

I trust that when it is time for jumping

my spirit will be ready.

Amen.

Doing Church

2011-03-17T00:00:00.001-06:00

But new wine is put into fresh wineskins, and so both are preserved.

Matthew 9:17b

In ten weeks I have worshipped at eight churches. There’s a lot of talk about “doing church” differently but so far I haven’t seen any significant change. Flashing images have replaced crosses, drums pound in lieu of organs vibrating, shirt tails instead of suits are the norm but the structure has essentially stayed the same. This truth I learned, on a recent Sunday, as I sat after singing a few songs, and listened to an hour sermon.

When the Jordan waters dripped from Jesus a genuine change happened. The traditionalists became aware of an uncomfortable sensation - change. Rituals and structure began to crumble under the words, “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.” They flailed about as their religious “plates” shifted, unceremoniously dumping them into the unfamiliar. Jesus brought a new paradigm, a different way to “do church” in the world. Very little of his ministry happened in the synagogue. Most of it was spent on dusty roads, amongst pressing crowds, crowded dining tables, rolling hills.

If I want Jesus’ new wine paradigm to influence my world I guess that I need to chuck "the way it used to be" wineskins and start making new ones. As uncomfortable as it may become, I’m going to move beyond the way “church” used to be, because the world isn’t the way it used to be.

Jesus, you transcend time, cultures and centuries.

Help us to be paradigm shifters, showing You to the world in a new way.

Amen.

Seasons

2011-03-16T00:00:00.001-06:00

Here is a portion from the Inward Journey by Gene Edwards.

I have observed through the years that most Christians have little understanding of the word 'season'. Our Lord is a seasonal God; He comes, He departs. his faithfulness never changes, but His seasons do! There are seasons when the tree is green, there are seasons when it is dry, and seasons when, for the life of us, the thing looks dead. Now, does this mean you are serving some capricious God who comes and goes by whim? Or, could it be, that it is only through 'seasons' that true growth may come?

Paul said, 'Does not nature teach us?' Fruit from a tree comes to us as a result of three or four seasons. The Christian and the Lord's body both need rain and sunshine, cold and hot, wind and doldrums.

But. . .

2011-03-15T00:00:00.001-06:00

...as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Colossians 3:13b

My husband recently had the temerity to tell me that I find it difficult to forgive. Well, I can tell you, I’ll never forgive him for that bit of marital honesty! But, I guess I am a “little” like Paul that I can’t seem to do what I want to do and instead do the very thing that I try to avoid – hold accounts of hurts and wrongs. With every fiber of my being I want to be able to forgive without the bind of strings. I want to be like Jesus.

Even at His death Jesus forgave, Father, forgive them (Luke 23:34). It translates that if I am a Jesus follower, forgiveness is an absolute. Jesus didn’t hold accounts of the repeated hurts, rejections, betrayals that were hurdled at him. Even knowing their true characters he kept Judas on as a disciple, never wavered with Peter, and showed compassion for the uppity desires of James and John. Forgiveness was just a part of Jesus’ DNA.

Here’s the rub, if Jesus forgave so freely, why do I find forgiveness so difficult? My slow dawning awakens me to the reality that I don’t want to take ownership of my actions, choices, and responses that need forgiveness. My emotional DNA is lacking and this inward look isn’t pretty. Forgiving a person who has caused me so much hurt is to admit, in the eyes of Jesus, that the difference between us is empty space. To forgive is to accept my need for forgiveness.
This is why my husband may be right, as much as I cringe to admit it. But. . .in my defense, I am getting closer to understanding that when I forgive, I accept the abundant forgiveness that Jesus gives me.

Jesus, thank you for instinctively forgiving me.

I need a forgiving "second" nature. I’ve been hurt

but help me to be like You, not holding on but forgiving

in the same way I have been forgiven.

Amen.

Are My Prayers Heard?

2011-03-14T00:00:00.001-06:00

Caleb said to her, "What do you want?"
She said to him, "Give me a blessing.
Since you have set me in the land
of the Negev, give me also springs of water.
And Caleb gave her the upper springs and the lower springs.

Judges 1:13b - 15

For years I’ve wrestled with the purpose of prayer. Truthfully asking, “does God hear my prayers” or would the same thing happen if I hadn’t prayed at all. Reflecting back on a couple of my “pray without ceasing” themes I have to say, they were not and have not been answered. Many would tell me, “well that is God’s answer!” Personally, I’m not satisfied with that response for the reason that I was praying how Jesus taught me to pray.

For some this may be very unsettling and for that I apologize. My faith is one of constant wrestling and struggle. And, it seems that the older I get the more complex it becomes. It’s for this reason that Achsah’s prayer to Caleb is so intriguing.

Not satisfied with her wedding gift of miles of dry, worthless desert Achsah high tails it to her father. "Give me a blessing–I can’t live in the desert without water." It’s a prayer, a cry, a pleading from a daughter to her father. She isn’t asking for anything more than she needs but only for what will give her the ability to live. Caleb responds with abundant alacrity giving Achsah the upper AND lower springs.

That’s really all I want, is to be able to have what I need to live in the desert. I cling to the generosity of Caleb as a symbol of God’s potential generosity. Perhaps I don’t possess the boldness of Achsah but I am beyond expecting that life in the desert will end. Over and over I read this conversation between a daughter and her father and hope that my prayers could be heard in the same way.

Father, I am your child!

Hear my cry!

I am not asking for the desert to be removed

Hear my voice!

Bless me with your living waters.

Amen.

Thomas Merton on Forgiveness

2011-03-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

If the unity of Christians in One Body makes the Church a sign of God in the world, and if men tend unfortunately to conflict and division by reason of their weakness, selfishness and sin, then the will to reconciliation and pardon is necessary if the Church is to make God visible in the world. Nor can this pardon, this communion in forgiveness, remain interior and invisible. It must be clearly manifest. So the mystery of the Church demands that Christians love one another in a visible and concrete way...Christ will not be visible to the world in His Church except in proportion as Christians seek peace and unity with one another and with all men. But since conflict is inevitable, unity cannot be maintained except in great difficulty, with constantly renewed sacrifice, with lucid honety, openness, humility, the readiness to ask forgiveness and to forgive.

Thomas Merton, Seasons of Celebration

Supersize Me

2011-03-10T00:00:00.001-07:00

The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!"

Luke 17:5

When I watched the documentary “Supersize Me” I was repulsed. Our culture thrives on bigger is better, even if it’s hamburgers! From houses to toilet paper "mega" is the operative word. Consequently, seeing the minuscule becomes a challenge when surrounded by the gargantuan. And yet, I’m surrounded by tiny bits that become "mega" important–a molecule of water for a start.

The disciples figured that bigger was better. In the days and weeks of following Jesus they had clued in on the fact that their "new life" was going to require something more. Jesus tells them that "temptations to sin are sure to come" and they beg–Increase our faith–bigger is better!

Faith doesn’t have to be big to be worthwhile. In the process of following Jesus, faith changes size. My faith didn’t start off the size of a California redwood. It began minuscule but was no less effective. Nurtured through prayer, Bible study, silence and Christian community faith grows. Difficulties, disappointments, discouragements water the seedling. Nevertheless there are times when I am certain that my faith isn’t big enough to get me through.

Bigger isn’t better. Flooding is a result of too much rain, causing destruction. The flip side is that a steady fall of raindrops can fill a reservoir, providing for the future. I pray that my reservoir of faith will be steadily filled, replenishing my seed during seasons of plenty and drought.

Jesus, You said that faith the size of a mustard seed

is where I can begin. Help me care for my faith seed

as consistently as I care for all the other things

that are important to me.

Amen.

Break the Bank

2011-03-09T00:00:00.002-07:00

...as he was reclining at table a woman came with an alabaster flask of ointment of pure nard, very costly, and she broke the flask and poured it over his head.

Mark 14:3b

My husband and I celebrated twenty-five years of marriage by living on opposite coasts. It wasn’t by choice! And a year later, when twenty-six rolled around, Bill moved to my coast. Arriving at the restaurant the hostess walked us to an empty table, “Oh no, this isn’t your table,” she said, “your table is over there.” And “there” was a table, set for two, colorfully stacked with twenty-six gifts hand picked by my husband as he drove across the country to join me. I was blown away!

The Bethany woman who anoints Jesus blew the roof off with her gift! Whether the ointment was specifically purchased or was in her closet her gift probably stressed her bank account. She believed that Jesus deserved the very best, even if the cost was future stability.

I have a fairly lengthy list of what I consider "valuable." They don’t all possess a monetary value but it’s certain that losing or giving them away would be painful. I like my things!

Jesus didn’t ask for her gift. It is given unexpectedly, willingly and generously. Her generosity convicts me and I ask, “How generous am I in showing my love for Jesus?”

From jobs, to homes, to stuff, to children, to spouses, to retirement accounts--whatever it may be that I hold valuable, am I willing to pour it generously over the head of Jesus?

Jesus, I love you with all my heart, soul and mind.

And while I want to give generously to You, I struggle.

Help me to remember the woman from Bethany

each time my fingers tighten around all that I consider valuable.

Amen.

No Second Guessing

2011-03-08T00:00:00.003-07:00

Whether you turn to the right or to the left,
Your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying,
“This is the way; walk in it.”

Isaiah 30:21 (NIV)

Every morning I am offered a choice to hear or be deaf. Some days I am more eager than others. There are days, as much as I eagerly listen, I hear only silence. But even the silence is God’s voice. When I am open to His voice, hearing His words, living His silence, I have a greater possibility of becoming His hands, feet and mouth to the world.

I’ve been thinking about how we actually hear God’s voice and in hearing, do we really trust His voice to guide us in our conversations. I am haunted by second guessing my responses, reliving my conversations and kicking myself for “why didn’t I say. . .?” Even more guilt inducing is wondering whether I have been a good “witness” for Jesus Christ.

In my work I am daily confronted with individuals who have little or no religious background. They need to know their Creator. But worrying about saying the “right words” could very well stop me from saying anything at all! I want to put aside “right words” and accept His words. He knows what needs to be said and what should be left unspoken. With this confidence I step boldly into the unknown and be Christ to the people He brings. If afterwards I experience self-doubt as to how well I did, I have to trust that the words spoken and the “truths” covered were what God wanted.

Thank God that He is able to take my verbal bumblings and shape them into This is the way; walk in it.

Jesus! Help me to hear Your voice!

Amen.

A Holy Climb

2011-03-07T00:00:00.001-07:00

Moses said to the people, "Do not fear,
for God has come to test you, that the fear of him may be before you, that you may not sin.

Exodus 20:20

My husband, a rock climber, says that when rock climbing it is important to keep an element of fear in your back pocket. It’s fear that keeps you from doing crazy moves. It’s fear that helps keep you focused on the rock. It’s fear that actually keeps you moving forward.

Too often my life has been paralyzed by fear, preventing me from moving out and living God’s life. In the past I have figured that if I kept things in control and obeyed the teachings of Jesus my life would be smooth. I have found just the opposite. More times than I can count my route up the rock has lacked proper hand holds and my feet haven’t found traction. But, instead of using Fear to my advantage I uncontrollably shake.

A decision to live fearing God gives me the courage, in the midst of the worst, to grab His hand and begin the climb again. Accepting that there will be challenges on this holy climb, I claim a healthy fear of God to help me choose the best route up. It’s this fear that helps me know the joy and sorrow of this adventure and that nothing can prevent me from reaching the summit of God’s plan.

Father God, help me.

You go before me.

I don’t want to make this climb without Your presence.

Amen.

Eating with Misfits

2011-03-03T00:00:00.001-07:00

...'the next time you put on a dinner, don’t just invite your friends and family and rich neighbors,
the kind of people who will return the favor.
Invite some people who never get invited out, the misfits
from the wrong side of the tracks. You’ll be–and experience–a blessing.

Luke 14:12-13 (The Message)

It is a luxury to be able to choose "safe", like-minded friends. My social bubble popped while living in a small, eccentric to the max, alternative life-style town for ten years. Hardly anyone "looked" like me! Arriving in town I began to cast about for friends who "fit" me. I found myself empty handed. Then I began to open myself to the town’s supposed "misfits.” Soon my friends became individuals that definitely would not have crossed my path if we had been living in a more populated area. My life, however, was richer, deeper for their "misfit" involvement.

Jesus didn’t seek out "safe" people. He intentionally hung out with the "misfits.” His disciples often tried to blow a protective religious bubble around him - he burst it every time. Jesus wanted to talk, eat, and socialize with the people who didn’t "fit." What difference would he have made if he had stuck with people who thought like him?

For every time you invite a "safe" friend to dinner think about the "misfit", the individual who doesn’t "fit" that could be invited as well. You’ll be–and experience–a blessing.

Jesus, I want to live like You lived, outside the bubble.

Help me to stop looking at who "fits" with me,

looking instead for unexpected friends.

Amen.

Without a GPS

2011-03-02T00:00:00.005-07:00

And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden...

Isaiah 58:11a, b

I don’t think that very many people in my community have a GPS. We don’t give directions by streets but by landmarks. If planning a trip out of town we Google or Yahoo the route. And while my father told me I needed to be able to read a map if I was going to learn to drive that “talent” now seems antiquated.

How I wish I could plug in GPS coordinates while traveling the Jesus road. Even if I could the response would probably be “unknown location.” Nevertheless without any map I walk, not knowing the direction and ending up in places of desolation along with vibrant gardens.

I know that in some weird way I have been led to now. Glancing back I see that I have somehow passed through scorched places and discover that in my wanderings I am stronger. Looking ahead I don’t see much but I feel stronger, ready for new directions!

Without GPS or Google maps I am completely out of control. It is unsettling. I like maps, seeing where I am going. But in attempting to control my route and destination I could very well miss hidden surprises, breathtaking views and ultimately lose my way altogether.

Jesus, you are the guide through the scorched places!

Thank you for making me strong along the way.

Without any clear directions I am following you.

AMEN.

Which Door to Choose

2011-03-01T00:00:00.001-07:00

This morning I want to share a reading from my own readings during my silent time today. I pray it is as encouraging to you, as it was for me.

Related scriptures--Psalm 139:15-17; Isaiah 66:3-4; Hebrews 11:24-25

The future is not a foregone conclusion. But when we give God permission to intervene and bring about His will in us still again and again He offers us choices, perhaps between one good and another. This is so that we can create through our choices, enabling Him to bring into being things He had long ago planned for us. He constantly plans for me in love, and in His mercy he never allows me to see the might-have-beens that only He could see.

Celtic Book of Prayer

Living Noisily

2011-02-28T00:00:00.001-07:00

I will pray with my spirit,
But I will pray with my mind also…

I Corinthians 14:15b

Jesus did not live quietly. As an adolescent he wasn't intimidated by the religious scholars but was confident in his identity and what he knew. From baptism to a wedding at Cana to feeding thousands Jesus lives his life publicly and noisily. Mark's
gospel repeatedly describes the "crowds" following Jesus. It wasn't a quiet life that Jesus lived.

In this "politically correct" age I find myself too often living "quietly." To live each day as an opportunity to live noisily for Jesus is a challenge. But what I'm realizing is that while I may not go down the street yelling "Jesus!" I can find a way of speaking Jesus into the life of each person I meet. It becomes a conscious awareness on my part. Each waiter, clerk, doctor, mortgage broker, window washer becomes an opportunity to not live quietly.

How I live noisily for Jesus will look different with each person I meet. But there is a constant between them all that requires nothing from the other. I can pray. Whether "quietly" or out loud the simplest way to be noisy about Jesus is bringing them to Jesus, in prayer.

Jesus, I love you.

Help me to see with Your eyes,

hear with your ears

and respond with Your love.

Amen.

Psalm 73

2011-02-25T00:00:00.002-07:00

From Psalms/Now

It is generally expected that God will stand by the righteous
and related to those whose deeds and thoughts
are purely altruistic.

I am afraid I just don't belong to that class of people.

I guess I am just a perpetual backslider.

Rather than thinking unselfishly,

I find myself envious and covetous

about those who have so much more than I.

They never seem to have problems.

They are always so strong and healthy.

I doubt that they know the meaning of conflict.

They are proud, carefree,

devil-may-care, even malicious,

and so disgustingly smug about it all.

They act as if God didn't even exist,

and they are almost blasphemous in their attitudes and actions.

And yet people will honor and applaud them;

they find nothing to censor about them.

What aggravates me is their obvious unconcern

about God or fellowman.

Yet they always appear to be so comfortable and well off.

And all the while I struggle so desperately with my sin-permeated nature.

I try so hard to please God, yet my days are full of conflict and my heart seethes in unrest.

I know I speak foolishly and unfairly,

but I get so fed up with it all.

That is, until I begin arguing with God about it.

Then I realize that they are not as well offf as they appear to be.

Their bright bubble will burst one day;

their dream will turn into a nightmare.

It's just that I get so depressed at times,

and I act like a stupid fool.

What is so amazing is that even while engrossed in irrational and unspiritual contemplations

I am never far from You.

You hold me close to Yourself.

You guide me and watch over me.

You assure me that is is all worth it.

And because of this glorious truth

I really have no need for anything else.

The essential desires of my being are met in You.

I shall often be victimized by human failure,

but my great God never ceases to love me and bless me.

How good it is to know that God is always near!

Jesus vs. Wal-Mart

2011-02-24T00:00:00.003-07:00

I am with you always. . .

Matthew 28:20

Wal-Mart isn’t one of my favorites. Nevertheless I found myself one recent day in their storage area, along with a supervisor, rummaging through boxes of discontinued baby cribs. Struggling with one box, my Wal-Mart cohort called out to a co-worker, “hey could you help me with this?” “Off the clock,” was her snap reply and away she walked with her gargantuan soda cup. I overheard me saying to myself, “thanks a lot!”

Encounters such as this one always get me thinking. And this is what came to me: I am thankful that the Trinity is never “off the clock.” In the movie, Bruce Almighty, Jim Carrey finds out what it means to be always on the clock when he assumes, for a brief time, God’s responsibilities. He can’t even begin to keep up with the prayer requests!

And so I come to the mountain, along with the disciples, a place of safety and strength, to hear Jesus promise, I am with you always. There is no going “off the clock.” He is always ever present, ready to help me rummage through whatever pile I am struggling with. Now that's service!

Jesus, thank you for being with me – always!

Amen.

Crawling Forward

2011-02-23T10:07:00.001-07:00

I didn't get home from work last night until ten so I thought I would post a piece that I wrote three years ago. You may recognize it but as I reread it I found it very appropriate for my life at present. Amazing how some things just don't change! Blessings!

But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed,
but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.

Hebrews 10:39

I watched on TV how the summer heat tried to beat the life out of Gabriela Andersen-Schiess of Switzerland. Having run 26 miles in the 1984 Olympics she collapsed 400 meters short of the finish line. It looked pretty certain that Gabriela’s race was over. But then Gabriela proved to everyone watching, including myself, that she was made of tougher stuff. My body hurt as I watched her crawl, waving away all attempts to help her. And I marveled as Gabriela crossed the finish line. Six runners had completely quit the race long before.

Jesus was made of tougher stuff. From the beginning, when the Holy Spirit drives him out to the desert, Jesus demonstrates what it means to not shrink back. At every turn the religious "heat" was continually turning up the temperature in its attempts to beat him down. Even falling under the burden of his cross, he continues to the finish.

In following Jesus, I feel the intensity of religious "heat." Throughout my spiritual race there have been those who have attempted to beat me down with their criticisms, insults and slander. And, I have face planted. But, knowing Jesus and the insults he endured keeps me crawling forward.

Jesus lived a life that proved finishing is possible. Moving forward, even on my hands and knees, will ultimately give me life. If I shrink back, quitting short of the finish line, I will lose for sure.

Jesus, your life proves that hardships are a part of living.

Thank you for never shrinking back from the finish.

Help me, no matter the position,

to keep moving forward to life with You.

Amen.

Waiting for God

2011-02-22T00:00:00.002-07:00

But God’s not finished.
He’s waiting around to be gracious to you.
He’s gathering strength to show mercy to you.
God takes the time to do everything right.

Isaiah 30:18 (The Message)

When I first went away to college I thought it was pretty cool to grab a group of friends and head down to the dining commons. Scrambling through the food line I could grab whatever I wanted to eat, even if it didn’t fit into the pyramid food grouping. But eventually it was the waiting in line for every single meal every day that prompted this vow when I was a junior, “I will never wait in line for food again!”

Since that vow I can’t think of a day where I am not forced to wait or wait by default. I now wait for traffic lights. I wait for phone calls, doctor appointments and e-mails to be returned. I wait for repair technicians and online orders. I wait. . .Waiting has become an integral part of my life although I still refuse to eat in cafeterias and I don’t care for potlucks – it reminds me too much of my college days!

Honestly, I don’t find Isaiah’s definition of waiting comforting, in fact, it promises an unknown length of time - more waiting! It’s true, I believe that God does want to lavish me with His graciousness, but His demand for perfection just produces more waiting on my part! So, added to my list of daily waiting is waiting for God.

But I long to experience the gracious, merciful rightness of my Father, who hopefully isn’t finished with me, and so I wait. In my waiting I remember all that has been right from my past and I am refreshed knowing that the God of my past is also the God of my future.

Jesus, thank you for loving me enough

to wait until everything is right.

Help me to wait for all that is gracious, merciful and right.

AMEN.

Zumba Lessons

2011-02-21T00:00:00.001-07:00

. . .and he said to him, “Follow me.”

Mark 2:14c

In my humble opinion there isn’t anything that will make you feel more like a klutz than joining a Zumba class! With every new pattern the instructor calls out, “follow me” but my feet find it difficult to mirror the beautiful, rhythmic movements. It’s loads of fun in a two left feet sort of way. My instructor keeps reminding me that “it’s hard in the beginning but it gets better” and she’s right. After repeated sequences my feet find their place more easily; in the mirror I can see that I am following my teacher’s steps more smoothly.

With fumbling feet I follow Jesus. He called me years ago and sometimes the following is easier than others. Everyday is a Zumba class with me attempting to mirror the steps He has laid out for me. I know in my heart how I want to walk and live but my desire and my actions aren’t always in sync. But with each repeated lesson and duplicated hardship, I am finding that my steps are becoming more solid, less awkward.

Jesus reminds me, daily, that following him is hard, but it gets better. His steps are not impossible. And, when I finally get the sequence, no matter how complicated, life resembles a cha cha step!

Jesus, You call out the steps.

Help me to learn how to follow.

Amen.

From Catherine de Hueck Doherty

2011-02-18T08:03:00.000-07:00

If we trust somebody we are truly opening the way to love, hope and faith. For God loves a cheerful giver, and there is no limit to the blessing God can give us. He will always make sure that we have what we need for ourselves. That is to say, that when we give cheerfully, joyfully, of ourselves, of our faith, of our love, then indeed we become truly alive. We become so full that we are like a granary. Others can come and take the grain away.

But the word "trust is an immense word. For if men begin to trust one another, then they will stop killing one another with mental cruelty and every kind of inhumanity. . .Whenever you give it away, God replenishes it anew. Like love, trust can only be kept by being given away.

So let us all go into the depth of ourselves and find out if we trust one another, and if not, why not. Let us talk about, shall we? For charity begins at home you know, and the almsgiving of trust starts with us.

He Knows Best

2011-02-17T00:00:00.002-07:00

For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God.

I Corinthians 2:10b

Family legend has it that my mother once told my then boyfriend that she knew me better than I knew myself. He and I were engaged at the time and she wasn’t exactly keen on the idea. While I bristled at her knowingness the truth is that she had a better idea, than me, of what I would need in a marriage. My boyfriend became my husband and when I became a mother I finally had to admit that as my mother had “known” me I “knew” my daughter! At this point in my life I find it comforting that my mother knew me so well.

How the Father, Son and Holy Spirit exists as One is a theological mystery. But how they relate to each other is always consistent. Their intertwining, where one leaves off the other begins, brings comfort. With no beginning or end, I am safe within the center.

With these infinite abilities, why is knowing the depths of God important? Accountability and relationship. Living accountably, and in relationship with trustful friends, gives my life clarity, wholeness and vision. God being in relationship with the Holy Spirit, who searches everything, even God himself, means I know a God that can be trusted.

God sets the example of willingness to be “known.” It’s the kind of life he wants with me—a willing acknowledgment that nothing can be hidden because He knows me better than I know myself.

Jesus, You know me!.

Nothing is hidden.

I will become all You want me to be.

AMEN.

A Walk in Hell

2011-02-16T00:00:00.004-07:00

Be strong and courageous and do it.
Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed.
. . .He will not leave you. . .until all the
work for the service of the house of the Lord is finished.

I Chronicles 28:20

If you’re going through hell, keep going. A friend told me that Winston Churchill said it. Google says the same, but I sure wish she had passed this along to me several months ago! It would have made the perfect hole in which to dump the mess I was experiencing. I was going through hell – for months - and I certainly didn’t know how to keep going.

But unbeknownst to me apparently I kept moving. I have proof – I’m still alive! When the heat was on and flaming tongues were doing their best to destroy, I didn’t want to go on. Evil smothered me. Fear paralyzed me. Discouragement neutralized me. Fatigue defeated me. How could I go on when I was standing still?

Though I walk through the valley of death never meant much until I went through hell. I feared the evil that surrounded me and I almost became an ash heap, but I stand today as a witness – God walked through hell with me. And, all I can say is that I was convinced that my work for the Lord was finished – but today is a new day and I awake to the realization that all is not lost or destroyed and His plans for me are still intake!

God! Thank you!

Amen.

Reacting to Action

2011-02-15T00:00:00.001-07:00

We love because he first loved us.

I John 4:19

Leafing through the fourteen page questionnaire I was required to submit, I blasted a groan. How many clients have you shared the Gospel with? How many clients accepted Jesus Christ? Come on! Was our effectiveness as a ministry really going to be determined by the number of clients that got “saved”? It was a painful reminder of a recent phone conversation with a community agency where I had assured them that while we were definitely a faith based organization we weren’t into “whopping people with our Bibles.” “That’s your reputation,” was her reply.

Recalling the first word in our non-profit’s mission statement I was tempted to cross out shared the Gospel and replace it with loved – How many clients have you loved? Loving others, out of the vastness of love that has been given, seems like a very effective way to measure success! Any other measure becomes a statistic, a glorious, dust collecting trophy.

Loving everyone who walks through the door takes energy requiring a certain quantity of guts. It requires listening to painful stories, putting up with disgusting smells, bending to inconveniences, closing the gap of opposites with compassion, stepping outside my world and into the world of another.

Dropping my eyes again to the dreaded question I stopped my noisemaking. The “higher ups” weren’t going to get a real picture of what my staff and I did every day with that question because as un-measurable as it may be, loving is incredibly more demanding, far more long term, completely unconditional and sometimes very rewarding. Loving is my reaction to His action – because he first loved us.

Jesus, help me to love as You love.

Amen.

God's Rhythmic Beat

2011-02-14T00:00:00.003-07:00

While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest,
cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.

Genesis 8:22

“Have you ever lived in a neighborhood where no one has a job?” Startled by his question I simply answered, no. “I have” he said. Our encounter began as a knock on the door,a dog yowling nuisance. My interrupter was pushing a sale and I was eager to end our conversation. His question changed the course of our interaction. Closing the door a few minutes later, with two bottles of a miracle cleaner in hand, I prayed that his life would be better for the sale.

For too many years I kept looking out ahead attempting to gain a view of where my life might be going. Frequently I would adopt the life view of friends and try to weave their view into my life. It took awhile for me to face the fact that as much as I might try to change the view, fighting the rhythm of my life was fruitless.

Like the living conditions of the young man at my door, there are an abundance of injustices. But it has always been the manipulations of man that has messed with God’s rhythm, tipping the scales of balance and bringing about unfairness.

God’s rhythm for me, however, is specifically designed. His rhythm for my life has been dark and sweet with an underlying melody consistently playing, growing in its complexity, sometimes fading but always rich. What I have to do is to stop working so hard to interject my own notes and instead submit myself to God's careful arrangement.

Jesus, help me to live my life according to your rhythm.

Amen.

Carry the Legacy

2011-02-11T09:34:00.001-07:00

…since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses…

Hebrews 12:1b

My story about how I came to be a follower of Jesus Christ isn't very dramatic. A friend once told me about sharing her testimony and she was shocked that people had clapped. It didn't surprise me, her testimony included lots of drama! No one has ever clapped about my conversion at 7 years old. But like so many testimonies, whether dramatic or yawn producing, they usually include the influence of another Jesus follower. They are grandmothers, Sunday school teachers, and in my case, parents who dragged me to church despite my teenage resistance. All of them make up a cloud of witnesses - people who faithfully pointed to the faithfulness of Jesus Christ.

It is important that I remember my cloud of witnesses. They represent a legacy of faith. My life of faith today is, or should be, a reflection of those who influenced me. Whether their impact was small or big time significant, their lives left an impact that lives with me daily.

When Jesus appears at the river Jordan he has a cloud of witnesses behind him. For thousands of years faithful individuals had pointed to the promises of God. Jesus was the embodiment. He carries on their legacy, increasing the cloud's depth by pointing the way to God.

While I may think fondly of my “witnesses” I can't stop there. They charge me with the responsibility to carry on their legacy and identify myself as a “witnesses.” It means that every day is another opportunity to faithfully point to the faithfulness of Jesus. It is how the legacy of faith will continue and the cloud of witnesses will grow.

Jesus, thank you for each witness that you have brought into my life.

Help me to carry on their legacy of faith

by being a faithful witness to others.

Amen.

Image - http://s253.photobucket.com/albums/hh78/brotherhoodclan/?action=view&current=clouds.jpg

Back on Friday, February 11

2011-02-07T00:00:00.001-07:00

Still gone on retreat with no internet service or cell phone service! What a relief! See you on Friday!

2011-02-04T00:00:00.001-07:00

And the Lord came and stood,calling...And Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant hears."

I Samuel 3:10

Years ago a group of friends started recalling the prayer language we had heard as children. With the majority of us having been raised in faith communities that emphasized the importance of personal, extemporaneous prayer, our collective memories were extensive and yet oddly familiar. We discovered that most of the prayer language of our youth had a particular structure and usually entailed lots of talking. Some of the vocabulary used required a theological dictionary along with numerous spiritual proclamations and revelations. Opportunities for silence were pretty much non-existent. Basically, prayer was about talking, not listening.
I have grown to love hear others pray. Prayer is a unique opportunity! It is a God conversation consisting of simple, plain language--a conversation that is probably best by saying nothing at all.

Samuel’s prayer of Speak, for your servant hears is about as simple as it gets and yet it is perhaps one of the most poignant prayers that we can speak. It is one of those “says it all” prayers for the believer. No matter one’s circumstances, environment, mood or situation here is a simple prayer that can be prayed no matter the season of life.

But, it does have one challenging demand–silence. And, in an age of talking heads, iPods, and cell phones silence is a rare commodity. In order to hear, I have to be willing to listen, and in order to listen, silence is an absolute necessity.

God calls my name every day. I have only to pray, Speak, for your servant hears.

Jesus, thank you for calling out to me. Speak--I am listening.

Amen.

2011-02-03T00:00:00.001-07:00

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Psalm 51:7

A few years ago I was taking my dirty clothes to the Laundromat. You never realize how long laundry takes until you have to sit and wait for it! After stuffing the dark load into the washer I began to fold the clean whites. I watched as the water flowed in, suds appeared and the cycle began; back and forth--stop--back and forth--stop.

An old hymn began humming in my brain. Whiter than snow, yes, whiter than snow now wash me and I will be whiter than snow. Theology shows up in the strangest places and I began to ask, “How do I become whiter than snow?”

It was the back and forth, rubbing together, friction, that got my clothes clean. It was a painful awareness that it was that same action that makes me whiter than snow. It’s the friction of disappointments and struggles that, in part make up my life, that will ultimately wash away my dirt and grime, leaving me clean within and without.
I have no idea how my clothes “feel” when they’re being washed but the washing process looks uncomfortable! I don’t like friction of any kind. My load of dirty clothes is clean within the hour. But my life, at various times, continues to be rubbed with adversity and discouragement. Will the whiter than snow result, be worth this painful rubbing?

When I gathered my clean clothes I saw, that while showing signs of wear, they were clean–made brighter for the rubbing. I pray that these life rubbing experiences will make a difference after all.

Jesus, help me.

I don’t like the agitation

and rubbing that is going on in my life!

I long to be purer, whiter,cleaner

but I need your strength to endure the washing.

AMEN.

2011-02-02T00:00:00.002-07:00

Remember my affliction and my wanderings…
My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope…
the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.

Lamentations 3:19-23

The aged coastal cypress is bent and bowed down, but rooted firmly. Prevailing against the unrelenting winds it’s shape and color have been altered, nevertheless, it clings to the precipice above the turbulent Pacific. Though formed and shaped by the winds it cannot control, it has not moved.

Adversities in my life shape and alter me. The result is that my precious dreams and eager ambitions blow away and I find myself reluctantly closing the door on what I thought were marvelous possibilities.

Who will remember what I have endured? My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. The memories of hurt and suffering never go away. Like scars that remain from a physical injury there are and will be soul scars resulting from what has blown my way.

But Jesus remembers my suffering! His own suffering makes him intimately acquainted with the hurts I experience. He responds by loving me, steadfastly. Like the resilient cypress I press in to the Rock. No matter the winds velocity the Rock does not move. Taking any action to move away from the storm will mean letting go of the Rock that keeps me safe.

By pressing in, digging my roots deeper into the Word I feel the Rock’s strength. The steadfastness of the Rock is my only hope of survival. I cannot move.

Jesus, bent and bowed down, I feel overwhelmed by life storms.

Help me to dig into the strength of your steadfast love.

Your mercy is my hope. Your love is my rock.

Your faithfulness is my foundation.

AMEN.

2011-02-01T00:00:00.001-07:00

For the next eight days my husband and I are going on a retreat geared towards ministers and their spouses who have experienced a difficult ministry positions. Having come through three years of a toxic situation we are looking forward to this experience. With that in mind I will be posting some past writings. Thank you! May God reveal Himself to you in unique and mysterious ways!

May you be strengthened with all power,
according to his glorious might,
for all endurance and patience with joy...
Colossians 1:11

His power is at work in us, and if only we set our mind on the things which concern Him, we will see this power in operation. The power of God makes great works possible, but is just as operative in the small, perhaps unnoticed, things of life.

The power of God is great, yet He gives of it freely for His purposes. We have to wait for the power. There is no time for delay, as the Spirit has already come; the waiting is to prevent us dashing ahead, reliant on our own ability instead of His enabling. Even when works of power or "miracles" occur, these only confirm the message: "Look heavenward!"

The works of power are a signpost which says, "Go, in this direction, to God." But it was never intended that we worship the signpost!

Celtic Book of Prayer

Sometimes a Cave Feels Safe

2011-01-31T00:00:00.002-07:00

And Gideon said to him, "Please, sir, if the LORD is with us, why then has all this happened to us?And where are all his wonderful deeds that our fathers recounted to us...?"

Judges 6:12-13a

Oh God, why is this happening I shouted after hanging up the phone. Our family had moved five times in four years and this move, to work with a Christian organization, was supposed to be help with the financial stability we desperately needed after years of educational pursuits. Now, four months later, learning a new city and sitting in a house that was waiting for our furniture I listened to my husband’s voice over the phone. His new Christian employers had reneged on the job. An injustice, done by “Christians”, was particularly painful. Where was God?

Gideon lived the upheaval of having to move frequently. Israel was under an oppressive regime that swarmed over them devouring their crops, destroying their pastures, consuming their lives. Gideon ran and hid in a cave. I understand why, when assured of the LORD’s presence, he asks, why then has all this happened.

There are times when I want to retreat to the nearest cave! Retreat seems my only choice when, afraid that if I poke out my head, I will feel the smack of another blow. I ask, why then has all this happened? I ask because Gideon had remained faithful to the LORD but it didn’t protect him from trouble.

The LORD never does answer Gideon’s "why" question. Instead the LORD responds by giving Gideon a task that seems beyond his ability! And when Gideon objects, the response he hears isn’t an answer but a promise...I will be with you.

Jesus help me to accept the unexpected

within the security of your promise,"I will be with you."

AMEN.

From Frederick Buechner

2011-01-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

What is both Good and New about the Good News is the wild claim that Jesus did not simply tell us that God loves us even in our wickedness and folly and wants us to love each other the same way and to love Him too, but that if we let Him, God will actually bring about this unprecedented transformation of our hearts Himself.

What is both Good and New about the Good News is that mad insistence that Jesus lives on among us not just as another haunting memory but as the outlandish, holy, and invisible power of God working not just through the sacraments but in countless hidden ways to make even slobs like us loving and whole beyond anything we could conceivably pull off by ourselves.

Thus the Gospel is not only Good and New but, if you take it seriously, a Holy Terror. Jesus never claimed that the process of being changed from a slob into a human being was going to be a Sunday School picnic. On the contrary. Child-birth may occasionally be painless, but rebirth never. Part of what it means to be a slob is to hang on for dear life to our slobbery.

They are NOT Redundant

2011-01-27T00:00:00.001-07:00

So the churches were strengthened in the faith,
and they increased in numbers daily.

Acts 16:5

Not sure why, but the other day I googled “churches for sale.” Up on the screen popped as one of the options, “churches for sale, chapels and schools, redundant churches. . .” It was the word redundant that riveted my eyes. It means superfluous, exceeding what is necessary, in other words, something we could do without.

In my small, semi-rural community of 50,000 we have over 45 churches and I don’t live in the Bible belt! But, in my capacity as the director of a local pregnancy center I decided to go down my faith based, non-profit’s church list and worship with one or two for the next several Sundays. From my start on January 9 I have worshipped with six congregations. One Anglican church met in the recreation center, an “under the radar” church met in a home, a college lecture hall gathered students on Sunday evening. Another Sunday afternoon I stomped through the snow to worship with a PCA group that rented their sanctuary from the Southern Baptists. There was a petite Baptist church that was trying its hand at a video series for their Sunday School class. And then there was the Pentecostal church.

I’m far from my quest but so far I haven’t found a one of them redundant.

What I am discovering is that while the church culture has changed dramatically from my first remembering, there is good stuff happening. It’s true that those who are staying true to form and function are smaller in size and whiter in hair. While those worshipping bodies that are moving away from the rules and regs of structure have a larger number of youngish people but also include a number of white polka dots scattered throughout!

But thing of it is – they are all stretching, reaching, growing in the Kingdom. Whether they pray ancient prayers or speak in tongues their focus is on the same Father, the same Son and the same Holy Spirit. With each visit I have been blessed, encouraged and strengthened.

Our community couldn’t do without one of these churches! Size doesn’t really matter as long as each believing, worshipping group is strengthened in their faith and they respond by reaching out, bringing a daily numbers increase in the Kingdom.

Six down thirty-nine to go!

Father, Son and Holy Spirit!

Rain down Your blessings on these Your people!

Amen.

For Want of Prayer

2011-01-26T00:00:00.001-07:00

Little different format today - you'll have to actually get out your Bibles! Blessings!

Suggested Readings: Psalm 107:28-31, 2 Kings 4:8-10, Mark 6:30-31

Why is there so little anxiety to get time to pray? Why is there so little forethought in the laying out of time and employments so as to secure a large portion of each day for prayer?

Why is there so much speaking, yet so little prayer? Why is there so much running to and fro, yet so little prayer? Why so much bustle and business, yet so little prayer? Why so many meetings with our fellow-men, yet so few meetings with God?

Why so little being alone, so little thirsting of the soul for the calm, sweet hours of unbroken solitude, when God and His child hold fellowship together as if they could never part?

It is the want of these solitary hours that not only injures our own growth in grace but makes us such unprofitable members of the church of Christ, and that renders our lives useless.

Horatius Bonar

Jesus, I am praying that You

will teach me how to pray

all day, every day, no matter the

place or time.

Amen.

Do Not Leave Early

2011-01-25T00:00:00.001-07:00

As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world.

John 17:18

A man who mentored my husband during seminary was fond to say, “We will be held accountable for all the God given things that we refused to enjoy.” His wisdom came to mind as I heard a thirty-five year old say recently, “I just want to go and be with Jesus.” I get uncomfortable with those words. They sound righteous, noble but truth be told, I believe they are selfish.

Through the years I learned much from this wise man. He recently passed away, having enjoyed his God given life for over 90 years. His life was a constant pursuit of God’s best in the world, in people, in events. Even in his nineties young people flocked around him eager to suck from the marrow of his wisdom. He was the essence of enjoying everything that God had given him. Shortening life wasn’t in his vocabulary.

If Jesus learned how to live in the world then surely I can embrace this life with the same energy! I’m not done with this life! It is difficult to imagine Jesus whining about “just wanting to go home and be with his Father.” With the disciples there were times when he turned his eyes towards heaven in inquiry and the Pharisees’ continual badgering surely gave him a headache. But he never requests to leave His life before His work is done.

Don’t get me wrong! I want to go to see Jesus too – someday. But I don’t want to go before he can honestly say, “well done daughter!”

Jesus, I need Your wisdom to learn

how to live in this world in a way

that honors all the gifts You have given.

Amen.

Fan or Follower

2011-01-24T00:00:00.001-07:00

If anyone serves me, he must follow me. . .

John 12:18

It was a small country church with big ambitions – to live into the plan that God had for them in 2011. As I sat in the pew watching the DVD that presented their coming six week study that would help them realize this goal, the words “are you a fan or a follower” repeatedly flashed across the screen. I remember bits of the message, the people were friendly, but the gift I received was the question: Are you a fan or follower of Jesus Christ?

Having been in a larger church with a significant number of what I believed to be “fans”, I was moved by the honest, earnest desires of the 40 plus people gathered on this particular Sunday morning. There wasn’t a “fan” in the place! With one exception – there was some debate as to who would get into the Super Bowl!

Even in sports there is a difference between a “fan” and a “follower.” In a TV interview I heard a man boasting that he had never missed attending a Super Bowl – “I have missed weddings, births, family events. I will never miss the Super Bowl.” Now he was a fan – a fan of the Super Bowl.

Other people have one team that they follow, through winning and losing seasons. They can recite the stats of particular players, know where they went to school, who they’re married to and how many children they have. They know the team, inside and out.

Fans of Jesus go and sit in church every Sunday because that is what a “good” person does. Sadly, much of the time their behavior doesn’t live up to their church going. A follower of Jesus wants something much more intimate. A follower wants a life change and that demands a deep knowing of Jesus.

“Following” is an active word. “Fan” is sedentary. Walking out of the sanctuary that morning I knew that following Jesus was how I wanted to keep going!

Jesus, You have said, Follow Me.

As difficult as it may be, I am following!

Amen.

Habit Making

2011-01-21T00:00:00.002-07:00

Therefore encourage one another. . .

I Thessalonians 5:11

Like a thirsty plant I soaked up encouraging words this week. They came from my past and present. They arrived unexpectedly. They watered my soul soil and I was rejuvenated. They came with a person attached to them.

I have now lived long enough to know that encouraging words are difficult to come by for the reason they are hard to give. Envy, insecurity, hardness, ego, thoughtlessness, anger are just a few of the enemies of encouraging words. But when the enemies are put down, destroyed, a vibrant, engaging, lively life is realized by both the giver and the receiver.

Commenting on the bracelet worn by a post office worker recently I discover that he is a budding silversmith. “You are very talented,” I said. Those four words produced a smile and the sincerest “thank you” I have heard. And I realized that I had been able to give out of a supply that had been given to me. It had been a chain reaction.

So here’s a challenge to myself. Every day, alert to God’s prompting, I want to give an encouraging word to someone. They say it takes forty days to establish a habit - it looks like I’ve got my work cut out for me!

Anyone else up to the habit?

Jesus, I have been blessed with encouraging words.

Help me to have the words to spread the blessing.

Amen.

Standing True

2011-01-20T00:00:00.003-07:00

The Lord stands true at your side.

Psalm 110:5 (The Message)

In the past several weeks I’ve heard from friends who have lost their jobs, another one is living on social security and food stamps. There was a phone call from a mother who had just buried her 28 year old son - he had died of cancer. Another mom was saying goodbye to a son headed to Afghanistan. Then there was a wife who moments before had heard a cancer diagnosis for her husband. They felt like they were standing alone.

I’m not sure how to affirm that God is present in times of difficulty except to speak from experience. My challenges pale in the shadows of the stories I’ve heard but I know that I am alive because God has stood by my side.

How I wish life could be easier! It would be just super if I could have gotten to where I am today without the pain! But on the flip when I hear the voices telling me their stories I have a visceral reaction – I hurt. And I hurt for them only because I have been hurt myself.

I trust that Jesus is standing beside each storyteller. I trust that although they may stand still for awhile in the hollowness of fear, sorrow, shame and despair Jesus will lead them out. I know this because he's done the same for me time after time after time.

Jesus, thank you.

Help me to open myself up

to your always present nature.

Amen.

Intrusive Moments

2011-01-19T00:00:00.002-07:00

And he went with him.

Mark 5:24

No one was around when I first entered the church but then, spotting an open door, I rapped lightly on the window. I could see the pastor sitting at his desk but he didn’t respond. Certain he hadn’t heard, I knocked more firmly; still no acknowledgement. It was then that I saw his hands folded in prayer and I walked back out the door.

Climbing back into my car I wondered what Jesus would have done if he had heard a knock on his door. His schedule was continually interrupted by people needing attention. Even when he goes home some guys tear up his roof in order to get their friend to him! Jesus always responds, always meets, always attends. When he prays he takes himself completely out of sight.

As I drove back to work, mulling over the WWJD moment, I was reminded of encounters that I had deemed an intrusion because I had “Jesus work.” Instead of pushing aside the papers while a person was talking I continued to shuffle. Instead of inviting someone to sit I kept us standing, eager to get on. What had I missed in those moments of “intrusion?”

The pastor was doing a good thing. But I believe Jesus probably would have answered my knock.

Jesus, help me to see moments

of “intrusion” as opportunities from You.

Amen.

Working Overtime

2011-01-18T00:00:00.001-07:00

Jesus said, “Come off by yourselves; let’s take a break and get a little rest.”

Mark 6:31 (The Message)

As an executive director I am paid on a salary basis. Yet daily I keep track of what I have accomplished and the hours I worked. Recently I figured out my hours and realized that in a little over two months I had worked over 40 hours of “overtime.” And I had wondered why I was so tired! This extra work has been compounded by three previous years of a difficult and painful congregational ministry which has now come to a close. My body hurts.

No one understands a hectic, demanding, out of control life like Jesus. Many of his greatest moments come after he has taken a break. His effectiveness was greatest when accompanied by periods of rest.

“God, what would you have me do” needs to be my daily prayer. I know people who feel guilty for taking a nap or cutting out early to go to bed. Their accomplishments are impressive but they always seem to come with a cost. Their health becomes tenuous; relationships strained.

Often I feel as though my life is an ultra-marathon. Phone calls, schedules, appointments, voices keep me running and my foot pounding dulls the sound of His Voice, “take a break and get a little rest.” But, soon I will put it all aside to go on spiritual retreat with my husband. I am praying for some great moments afterwards!

Jesus, help me to hear your voicereminding me to take a break.

My heart, my soul, my body needs to rest with you.

Amen.

Who is Good?

2011-01-17T00:00:00.001-07:00

There’s nobody living right, not even one,
nobody who knows the score, nobody alert for God.

Romans 3:11 (The Message)

In our family everything is open for debate. That’s what happens when you live with one philosopher and one in bloom. Given the environment it was natural to recently talk about whether man was basically “good” or basically “evil.” My response was a resounding “evil!” I am the one in the family that likes things black and white. My husband and daughter turned the question over and over looking at it through facets galore. They like to think that man is basically “good” and circumstances make him "evil." We let the question hang.

Upon returning to college, within the first week my daughter’s purse was stolen out of a friend’s car, leaving a smashed window. “I can’t believe that there are people out there like this,” was her Facebook message. Chuckling I typed, “So, is man basically evil or basically good?”

In my conscious effort to do and be “good” my alertness to God reminds me of my failings. And it’s in the little things that I fail most miserably. Even though I know the “score” it’s my thoughts that repeatedly hook me away from all that is true, honorable, pure, lovely and commendable (Philippians 4:8).

Jesus forgive me!

In knowing You I know I am not good.

Help me to think on only what pleases You.

Amen.

Image - http://www.good.is/post/winners-take-a-photo-of-someone-doing-something-good/

Never Changing

2011-01-13T00:00:00.001-07:00

I the Lord do not change.

Malachi 3:6a

In my lifetime I have seen black and white television turn into a HD flat screen high pixel picture. A man walked on the moon when I was in grade school and now there are regular excursions into space. Roe vs. Wade changed the future of the unborn when I was in high school and continues to change how society “sees” life. I didn’t take a computer to college. The college had a computer – it fit into a large classroom. Today we have two laptops and an “old” computer sitting in the garage. And what about phones! The list of changes in my “brief” life could go on and on.

In a changing world isn’t it good to know that there is One who has never changed and no change is on the horizon?

Of course, there is something else that has never changed and that is human nature. When I read through the Bible or the writings of the early Christians it is startling just how constant is our humanness. From Eve’s conversation with the snake to today the battle for our souls, our lives, our thoughts, has been on a never ending loop. Over and over the same battle has been waged, perhaps on different battlegrounds, but the battle is the same.

Into my human sameness steps the holy sameness of God. He calms the chaos, breaks the loop and sets me free to live a life of peace in the midst of this swirling changing world that I presently call home.

I praise the LORD who does not change!

Amen.

I am a Redwood

2011-01-12T00:00:00.001-07:00

There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse, and
a branch from his roots shall bear fruit.

Isaiah 11:1

California redwood trees are magnificent. Towering the stratosphere, their massive trunks wider than an arm’s reach, one can’t help but be awed when standing among their roots. Some trees have survived hundreds of years and it’s for this reason that the environmentalists persevere. Nevertheless, the redwood remains one of the most resilient trees. If cut down, within the year new shoots will pop up around its base. It’s a survival tree. Massive amounts of digging are required to completely destroy the life of a redwood.

The people of Israel spent years at the hands of ruthless powers determined to dig out their life. Isaiah’s words have weight when considered in this context. They feared they would become extinct, having been cut down with only a remnant, a stump, showing. Into this desolation and destruction Isaiah makes a promise that the stump is not dead. God will shoot up a living, fruit bearing branch!

In the midst of life’s challenges and the feeling of sometimes being cut down to the roots Jesus comes promising new life, restored life, redeemed life. Nothing is dead or hopeless in the eyes of God. What is seen only from the outside is not considered by God. He is not distracted or discouraged by what looks like utter destruction. Instead he sees only what is underneath, at the root and begins the life restoring process.

Out of the stump of Jesse, a remnant of a nation, came the Hope of the world. Imagine what God wants and can do with our stumps!

Jesus, your humble beginnings give me hope.

Help me to see not the stump of my life but the shoots you are causing to grow.

Amen.

Judgement Day

2011-01-11T00:00:00.001-07:00

But I say to you that everyone
who is angry with his brother will be
liable to judgment.

Matthew 5:22

I just turned off the television. Over and over the headline story of the recent shooting in Tucson, Arizona looped with everyone speculating about why the suspect, Jared Loughner, was so angry. The father of the little girl who died is encouraging the death penalty. I don’t blame him. His sorrow was palpable when seen on the screen!

In the silence I flopped opened my Bible and my eyes fell to this verse. I stopped looking any farther because I was convicted. Have I ever been angry enough to kill, absolutely not! Have I been angry with “my brother”, shamefully yes.

It has given me pause to consider if God sees my anger differently than that of Jared. Jared’s erratic, imbalanced, sick behavior was out for all to see and experience. His anger scared people. My anger I keep well hidden and even those with whom I have been angry probably don’t know. Nevertheless God has seen and felt it.

Mentally I believe I’m pretty balanced, stable and healthy! But the line becomes thin if I let anger set up residence in my soul. And I wonder just how I will be judged before my Father. Jared Loughner will be judged, now, by a jury of his peers. At some point in the future he and I will both be judged by our Maker.

God, forgive us!

Jesus, I think of myself as different.

But you have said that whoever hates

his brother is a murderer.

Help me to never allow anger to take control.

Amen.

Empathy

2011-01-10T00:00:00.003-07:00

In those days Mary arose and went with haste to the hill country. . .

Luke 1:39

In the beginning, Mary was a contemplative. But when her conversation with Gabriel sank in and her “condition” became reality, she fled to the only person who would understand. Elizabeth was familiar with the outcome of a Gabriel visit and for six months she had been living with her growing body. No one could have possibly helped Mary understand what lay ahead like Elizabeth.

Difficult times demand that I find empathetic companions. Finding someone who is experiencing or has experienced a similar situation is to discover hope. Knowing that I’m not alone allows me to see the way out where once I saw only barriers.

God promises that with every difficulty he allows a way out is also on the horizon. Mary’s world wasn’t turned upside down without God providing someone who could be in the experience with her. Of course, after Mary’s three month stay in the hill country Elizabeth gives birth and Mary is once again left alone. But the companionship she shared during those three months must have helped her through the ensuing months of aloneness.

With Gabriel gone and Mary not able to prove his visit she needed at least one person who could understand. God provided just what she needed when she needed it.

Thank you God for not leaving me helpless when difficulties come.

Help me to see the horizon and the help you always provide.

Amen

Spiritual Frontal Lobes

2011-01-07T00:00:00.001-07:00

Brothers, do not be children in your thinking.
Be infants in evil, but in your thinking be mature.

I Corinthians 14:20

Smack in the middle of my daughter’s teenage years, a psychologist gave me a crucial piece of information – the reasoning part of the brain isn’t fully developed until the age of twenty-five. Of course he finished by telling me that teenagers primarily rely on the smallest part of the brain – the implusive part! I My initial relief was short-lived, my daughter was a long way from 25!

The psychologist’s message still resonates with me all these years later. Reasoning vs. impulsivity. My religious education didn’t particularly encourage “thinking” about my faith. Blind acceptance was more what was called for. It left me exploding onto the college scene believing primarily what I had been told to believe. It was, however, the perfect collision – my faith grew just as my frontal lobe was maturing!

“Unless you’re like children. . .” wasn’t permission to be immature Christians. It’s true, the defining child-like qualities of trust, love and openness are critical to the sacred life but ultimately God demands a stronger, more intimate knowledge of Himself. It is a demand that is demanding of my time, energy and focus. It is a demand that requires my thinking to move beyond an impulsive faith; maturing instead into a faith that isn’t afraid to reason and live into the uncertainties of the Who and Why.

Jesus, forgive me for putting limits

on my knowledge of Who You are.

Help me to grow my spiritual frontal lobes!

Amen.

Wounded

2011-01-06T00:00:00.002-07:00

And if one asks him, “What are these wounds on your back?” he will say, “The wounds I received in the house of my friends.”

Zechariah 13:6

Malika Oufkir lived a daily life of privilege and luxury as the adopted daughter of the king. She had been chosen at an early age to grow up with the princess as a companion. She was afforded the same rights of the monarchy. She missed her birth family but she never imagined that her opulent life would change. But a failed coup by her birth father, the king’s general, upended her world, dumping her into prison along with her mother and five siblings. The king, whom she considered as a second father, became her jailer for twenty years.

I have discovered that betrayal and injury by people who are close to me has left me with very painful wounds. Here were people who knew me and used that knowledge as a weapon. There is no point of return. Forgiveness is improbable.

When in the vortex of emotional pain, thinking about forgiveness is impossible. Humanly speaking it is. Left to my own devices I’m tempted to keep the wound fresh, opening myself to further infection. While unable to forgive, the life of Jesus and his friendly wounds become my inspiration. The gift of Jesus’ humanity gives me a “how to forgive” guide for the wounds inflicted by those who know me best.

Jesus accepted his friendly wounds as proof that the wound inflictor had a greater need--His Father’s love. Learning to accept my friendly wounds in this same spirit I am confronted with the truth that living in the Kingdom requires giving the gift of forgiveness.

Jesus, thank you for the gift of your humanity.

Your willingness to be born into this world of hurt shows me

that I am not alone. But your life also guides me to a life of forgiveness.

Amen.

A No Posting Day

2011-01-05T08:52:00.000-07:00

After having a fabulous semester in London and a wonderful, refreshing Christmas together my husband and daughter are driving to California today to get her set up back at college. That means I was otherwise occupied last night and this morning. My apologies! Check back in tomorrow.

Have a beautiful day!

Valerie

Faith in Practice

2011-01-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you; when you walk through fire, you shall not be burned….

Isaiah 43:2

Once while squeezed in a waiting area of Chicago's O'Hare Airport I heard enthusiastic singing. Twisting around I caught a glimpse of the TV showing singing, clapping, joyous Haitians. The streamer at the bottom of the screen read, "Haitians find their faith gives them strength." It seemed absurd. An earthquake had devastated their lives, the death toll was staggering and yet they sang songs of praise. I was witnessing their faith in practice. They were praising the presence of God even as they breathed death.

Experience has told me that life is painful. I didn’t learn to walk without falling down or mountain bike without getting a concussion! So, why should I expect my spiritual growth to be any different?

Eugene Peterson says, "growing up and growing up in Christ are the same thing."

When I first heard his sage advice twenty-five years ago I left the room completely confused. How could they possibly be the same? Well with each passing year I keep falling down! But it seems that with each "flood" and "fire" my body, soul, mind and heart have been strengthened.

When I embrace God's presence, within each "fire" or "flood", the possibility of becoming more like Jesus increases. After a history of struggle, the singing Haitians understood that "fires" were inevitable. But they sang for joy that God's presence was with the living and the dead. They could not be consumed.

Jesus, you have power over water and fire!

With head bowed, I accept my floods and fires

that will keep me growing up in You.

AMEN.

Thought for the New Year

2011-01-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God!

Psalm 143:10a

Doing the will of someone is allowing them to have control over either your whole life or at the very least portions of your life. In day to day reality,I find that poses a tremendous struggle. There's a certain amount of security when I "control" the sequence of my life, keeping the will of others on the other side of the fence.

Allowing God to teach me his will won't and isn't any less of an inward struggle. Relinquishing myself wholly and completely to the unknown seems, well, out of control! And yet, that is exactly what God wants--for me to be out of control in order for him to be in control.

I just wish being out of control felt more controlled!

Jesus, I want to be out of control

in being controlled by you.

Amen.

Final Week of 2010 - Thursday

2010-12-30T00:00:00.001-07:00

It has been a dark season for my husband and myself these last couple of years. I don't remember where I saw this quote, although it was credited, but when I read it I wrote it out and propped it up on my desk.

Nobody is wise who does not know darkness. I appreciate the dark hours of my existence in which my senses are sharpened.

From It's All Right to Cry

Final Week of 2010 - Wednesday

2010-12-29T00:00:00.002-07:00

I begin each day with my Celtic Daily Prayer Book. Even though I have been using this prayer book for ten years and have read and reread the various Scriptures and readings they always seem to be new and fresh and perfect for whatever I may be facing on any given day.

Too often when we come to pray we have fixed ideas as to what the subject for our intercession will be - or if God gives us the subject we again lapse into our own thoughts, ideas and preconceptions instead of letting the Spirit teach us what to pray. We need to take authority over our own thoughts, however good, in case they are an impediment to God's directives and burden.

Wordless prayer can often be effective, too. Some of the times when we 'worry' about a person for hours on end for no apparent reason, who normally we rarely think of, may turn out to be the closest to real intercession we have ever come.

Final Week of 2010 - Tuesday

2010-12-28T00:00:00.001-07:00

This year I've learned much from the Desert Fathers - always straight and to the point, sometimes painfully pointed!

Living without speaking is better than speaking without living. For a person who lives rightly helps us by silence,while one who talks too much merely annoys us.

The Final Week of 2010

2010-12-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

It doesn't seem possible that this is the final week of 2010. This year will be memorable for me on multiple levels; filled with euphoric highs coupled with demoralizing lows. But this I know, God was in the midst and He has not moved. Thank you Father!

This week I am going to be sharing with you some of the quotes and scriptures that helped carry me through this tumultuous year. My only prayer for you all is that God will reveal Himself to you this week in a way that you can understand, appreciate and claim as your own revelation. A word meant for you.

Live from day to day, just from day to day. If you do, you worry less and live more richly. If you let yourself be absorbed completely, if you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Bring Me a Unicorn

Merry Christmas

2010-12-24T10:36:00.000-07:00

For unto us a Child is Born!

Thanks be to God!

With prayers that your Christmas is rich with joy and blessings.

Valerie

Expecting Angels

2010-12-23T00:00:00.001-07:00

But she was greatly troubled at the saying,
and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be.

Luke 1:29

I would think I was delusional if I saw an angel. I don’t expect angelic visits in spite of the fact that I read about them in the Bible. Throughout the Old Testament angels make appearances to all sorts of people. The psalmist assumes angelic presences in Psalm 34:7—“The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him…” But, I don’t live my life anticipating, expecting an angel!

Now I come to Mary. Gabriel gives her assurances, “Don’t be afraid.” But I haven’t often considered or “pondered” Mary’s response at the moment Gabriel bursts into her room. While Gabriel later says, “don’t be afraid”, Luke doesn’t record “fear” as Mary’s first response but “discernment.” She doesn’t seem to be all that surprised by Gabriel! Instead she looks at the encounter reasonably and rationally. It’s not the presence of Gabriel but what he says, “O favored one, the Lord is with you” that gets Mary thinking.

I usually put Mary in the ultimate spiritual category and yet if Jesus is to be accessible, to all of us, it surely begins with Mary. She was a girl who had somehow learned to expect the unexpected--so much so that Gabriel’s appearance isn’t startling. Instead Mary wonders how her life warrants such a visit.

Are you ready for an angelic visit? Don't be afraid. The Lord is with you.

Jesus, your coming was a miracle.

But you came using regular, ordinary means in order

for me know that you are with me.

Thank you, Jesus!

Amen.

Living in the Future

2010-12-22T00:00:00.001-07:00

Ask a sign of the Lord your God, let it be deep as Sheol or high as heaven.

Isaiah 7:11

Angelic preschoolers were standing in two rows singing through their repertoire of music. The audience, consisting of parents and grandparents, were enthralled. However off key their songs of Christmas it didn’t matter, they were opera singers in the eyes of those who loved them. I was one of the observers sitting by my now adult “child” who not long ago was singing her own Christmas songs.

Looking at the sweet, innocent faces singing about the birthday of Jesus I was struck with the realization that in ten, fifteen years the world would look very different. These singing voices might look back and wistfully recall their childhood and “better” days. “Oh God,” I prayed, “let these children live in your future.”

God heard the cries of the Israelites and in his compassion, in His love, He gave them a promise that would allow them to live in his future. A virgin would conceive and bring to birth a son whose name would be “God with us.” This sign would reach the highest heavens and the deepest portions of the earth and with it would be the opportunity of living in God’s future—“Immanuel.”

Jesus, I want to live not only inthe present but in the future with you.

Amen.

Dangerous Rejection

2010-12-21T00:00:00.001-07:00

He was despised and rejected…

Isaiah 53:3a

Recently I met a woman who doesn’t want to have anything to do with Jesus. Her reasoning is, she went to church the whole time she was growing up and didn’t learn anything so why would she want to sit in a pew now. Her questions are posed such that she wouldn’t hear the answers. Her spirit lives behind a granite wall. The path that she walks is paved with her desires, her wants, her choices—her fears. It’s fear that keeps her despising and rejecting.

Long before his birth, Jesus was destined to be rejected. To have that kind of shadow hanging over one’s existence sure isn’t promising or hopeful. The Bethlehem innkeeper was just the beginning of a series of rejections. How does one keep living in the midst of continual rejection?

And today, thousands of years later, the rejection continues. It’s painful when those we love reject the One we love. Their rejection becomes the elephant in the room that is squeezed around and avoided. With every conversation there is a limit because the ultimate, deepest part of oneself cannot be shared—a love for Jesus. Conversations start but end quickly as soon as faith pulls up a chair.

But should their rejection be surprising given what is required of a Jesus follower? When Jesus asks Peter, “Do you love me?” he’s asking for a total commitment, a complete handing over of oneself. No wonder those that despise and reject are fearful! Relinquishing ourselves to Jesus is dangerous!

Jesus, when those I love reject you, I feel rejected too.

Help me to love even when I feel despised.

Amen.

Looking for Justice

2010-12-20T00:00:00.002-07:00

The Lord will bring about justice and praise
in every nation on earth, like flowers blooming in a garden.

Isaiah 61:11 (CEV)

In an attempt to entice travelers to their country, the government of Iraq adopted the slogan, “tourism not terrorism.” Despite the promotion, I still would not move it to the top of my travel list. Images of devastation, drought, sand storms and death persist in streaming through my mind. And yet, around 600 BC, travelers journeyed to what we know as Iraq to see the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, one of the seven wonders of the world. Even more poignant is the possibility that somewhere in the vicinity of Iraq was the first garden.

In a world that seems hopeless, the Iraqi slogan is revealing. They are waiting, hoping for justice to reign. So much has been lost and memories of their ancient past are fading. They have only the stories of their ancestory when justice, praise and peace were the government.

Difficult times have taught me that justice is hard to come by when human nature rules. I think Adam was gifted with an innate sense of justice but he believed the serpent’s lie and it warped his ability. As a result “man’s” eye focused on "me", instead of "them" and justice fell to the bottom.

But I have hope! In the new heaven and new earth of God’s kingdom there will be no other governing power but His justice. My tears will be replaced with laughter, sorrow will be given over to joy and death turned into life. What was seen as lost will be found and the gardens of the world will bloom once again.

Creator God, let your justice take control of my heart, soul and mind, today.

Amen.

Riding the Waves

2010-12-17T00:00:00.003-07:00

She wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in a manger…

Luke 2:7a

God shows up at the oddest and most unexpected times. Once, at the heart of a difficult time I was the accompanist for a worship service where there were intentional times of silence. All day, in very psalm like fashion, I had been asking God to show up in a powerful, awesome way and perform the spectacular miracle that would end my sea sickness. Now, silently sitting at the piano, I again prayed my week long big miracle prayer. In the stillness came a quiet voice, “But I came as a baby.”

God’s promised people had waited a long time for the Messiah. Their hopes rested on the big miracle, a Messiah that would rescue them from the tremendous weight of persecution and genocide. When the Messiah came they would be rescued and regain their rightful place as the people of God. I think they anticipated that, despite prophecy concerning a child, the Messiah would come charged and ready for battle.

But of course it wasn’t just the baby that was the issue. When Jesus comes into his ministry his intentions become clear. He will not be a life-rescuer. Instead he is a Messiah that calls people to a life-change. Those waiting for a Messiah rescuer never figured that they would have to change how they acted, how they lived, how they worshipped.

After my piano revelation my “difficult time” didn’t change. In fact, it got worse. But the words, “But I came as a baby” reminded me daily that life changing miracles often begin with little or no recognition. And so I open myself to be changed from the inside out, and I’ve found that instead of being sea sick, I can ride with the waves and eagerly anticipate the unexpected.

God, thank you for showing up with your

big miracle and changing me from the inside out.

Amen.

A Poem for Advent's Waiting

2010-12-16T00:00:00.002-07:00

No one can celebrate
a genuine Christmas
without being truly poor.
The self-sufficient, the proud,
those who, because they have
everything, look down on others,
those who have no need
even of God - for them there
will be no Christmas.
Only the poor, the hungry,
those who need someone
to come on their behalf,
will have that someone.
That someone is God.
Emmanuel. God-with-us.
Without poverty of spirit
there can be no abundance of God.

Oscar Romero

Where is Home?

2010-12-15T00:00:00.001-07:00

the Son of Man has no where to lay his head.

Matthew 8:20b

Having a place to live should be one of those inalienable “rights” for everyone and yet the homeless rate continues to rise. Growing up I took “home” for granted, the front door always opened to the familiar and I felt safe. In the span of six years I once lived in six homes. Barely did I become familiar with my surroundings but the boxes were packed and a new home was becoming “familiar.”

There are many who have lived for years in the same home. They have found safety in a shared community of church friends, local schools and volunteer organizations. Feelings of unfamiliarity aren’t familiar. For those individuals this verse will be unsettling.

My waiting for Jesus this Advent season means that if I'm committed to following Him I'll also become aware that His arrival will mean living with uncertainty and unfamiliarity. Setting up house wasn’t on Jesus’ ministry agenda. His focus was bringing the kingdom of heaven to a world that had lost its place.

I am reminded of this when I moan about not living, for the last thirty years, in a home any longer than seven years. Alas, answering the call of Jesus on my life has meant that I had to put aside all that I considered familiar, certain, secure. The flip side is that my safest “home” is now with Jesus and together we’re on the move!

Jesus, thank you for being “home” for me.

When uncertainty and fear grip me I feel the pull

of your hand and I’m on the road again with you.

Amen.

Wilderness Wanderings

2010-12-14T00:00:00.008-07:00

My apologies if this meditation doesn't make sense! It made total sense to me as I wrote it so it may be much more out of my own experience and desire to "see" God than anything else! My only prayer is that God will use it in some way! Blessings.

Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man.Revelation 21:3a

While wandering through the daily grind of my wilderness I have only to take a glance or renew a memory to be reminded that I am not alone. God’s presence is always evident in some way or another. Sometimes, however, I wish I could gather physical manna like the Israelites. But then chagrined, I admit that I am too much like the Israelites in their denial of the obvious.

God dwelled with the Israelites in objects that could be seen, felt, heard. Of course, even those weren’t enough for them at times. Despite all the visuals they still took to shaping golden cows. And then Gabriel appears in Mary’s bedroom and it is yet another physical demonstration of God’s presence with man.

It was an amazing birth - God revealing Himself to man through his Son! It should be the event that stops all doubt of His existence. Surely from this point on there will be astounding accounts of God’s presence, now that He has appeared in the flesh. Now I should be able to visually see Him! But in my wilderness wanderings it doesn’t happen like that and I’m left wondering if the Israelites had it any better.

With the appearance of Jesus I become more vulnerable when it comes to experiencing God. Faith in the unseen is now required. But, by looking more intently for God, keeping open and vulnerable to the experience, the seen and unseen visuals that do appear will take me deeper into the mind of God. And that is a gift the wandering Israelites never received.

God, make my life Your dwelling place.

Help me in the experiencing of your presence

to go deeper into You.

Amen.

A New Showcase

2010-12-13T00:00:00.003-07:00

…whatever God does endures forever…

Ecclesiastes 3:14a

When I read the first couple of chapters in Genesis I sometimes allow my mind to wander and think about what God really had in mind. His initial plan was quite creative and then He topped it by deciding to create in His image. By doing it this way the rest of His creation would be cared for with the love and attention that He envisioned. It was a brilliant plan which went south when His “man” creation decided to take matters in their own hands!

But continued reading reveals a God that doesn’t ditch his creation even though it doesn’t remotely resemble Him and has pretty much been a disappointment. Instead He keeps finding ways of showing “man” what they are supposed to look like. Seas are divided, walls fall down, battles are won against all odds, fires don’t consume—these are just a few of God’s showcases. He loves and never gives up on what He created in His own image.

By the end of the Old Testament God’s patience seems to have become tissue thin. Despite the numerous appearances and revealings “man” has continued their blundering resulting in a royal mess. The prognosis for the future is…zip.

Zip still does not deter God! His original vision, however, still gives Him pleasure. And so He sets into motion a plan that would turn it all around. He would become the image He created. So He begins again, sending His Son, as a new showcase. This time He hopes that “man” will see Him more clearly and understand that whatever God does endures forever.

Creative God, thank you for never giving up on your

creation. Help me to see clearly your kingdom through

the life of your coming Son.

Amen.

Club Membership

2010-12-10T07:47:00.000-07:00

God’s readiness to give and forgive is now public. Salvation’s available
for everyone!

Titus 2:11 (The Message)

At one point in my life I lived in an area where people were defined by their club membership. It was one of the first questions asked when meeting someone new, “Where are you a member?” Without employment at the time, I felt completely excluded by the question, apart from the fact that I couldn't even begin to afford club membership!

With the arrival of Jesus in the waters of the Jordan, a life-changing ministry begins and the doors to the existing religious clubs are thrown open. Almost immediately the “club” board realizes that their power base is eroding away and that before long their membership will include the “riff raff” dining with Jesus. The important levels of religiosity that they had carefully put into place would no longer have any merit.

With the coming of Jesus God appears in the flesh ready to give and forgive. The rules that had been put into place for the protection of His creation were no longer needed. Nothing would now stand in the way of a personal, one on one relationship.

It’s a marvelous sense of belonging. I feel no exclusion! There are no entry interviews, fees or personal recommendations in God’s kingdom. Doors don’t exist because the kingdom is always open and everyone is invited and welcomed into the “club!”

Jesus, thank you for coming and changing

the system, the structures,

the rules so that everyone is welcomed.

Amen.

His Knowing Nature

2010-12-09T00:00:00.001-07:00

Come, see a man who told me all that
I ever did. Can this be the Christ?
John 4:29

Recently I assembled a series of interview questions for an upcoming hire. Of course, the questions were supposed to shed light on the person being interviewed. Some of the interviews ended up being longer than others because at the front of the interview was a question of story – tell me a story from your life that would help you connect to our clients.

Granted, I work at a faith based organization that ministers primarily to young women and their babies but the stories that surfaced were fascinating. And perhaps even more revealing - who could connect a life story and who struggled. Whether they realized it or not their stories gave me a glimpse of their character.

When the Samaritan woman returns to town it is with a message of being known. In her conversation with Jesus she discovers that her words are merely the surface of what Jesus knows about her. After all their theological debating what turns her into a believer is the knowing nature of Jesus.

It is this intimacy of knowing that I find particularly unique, comforting and unsettling. I may try to hide certain flawed traits from others but my core, my very soul is totally exposed to Jesus. He knows exactly who I am.

This is the Christ for whom I wait this Advent season.

Jesus, from the beginning

I have never been hidden from You.

I praise You for Your all-knowingness!

Amen.

Little is Something

2010-12-08T00:00:00.002-07:00

But you, O Bethlehem Ephrathah,
who are too little to be among
the clans of Judah…

Micah 5:2

“Little is much when God is in it” is a phrase I heard frequently while growing up. It was full of hope and promise. It's comforting knowing that in a culture where "bigger is better" in God's world size doesn’t matter, amount isn’t quantified and quantity isn’t valued. If at the heart of the matter God resides endless possibilities exist.

Throughout the Bible there are accounts of people who gave abundantly out of their little. Elijah prepared a meal with the last of a woman’s oil and flour - she ends up with enough money to feed her entire family for several months. Rahab offers protection under a pile of straw and her name reappears as the woman who helped change the course of a nation. A widow gives a couple of coins amounting to less than a cent and her life turns into a lesson of abundant giving.

Then there is Bethlehem, whose line of historical significance is limited but whose impact is profound. A young boy sleeps with his sheep and calls Bethlehem home and becomes the King of Israel. And while Bethlehem may be mentioned later no one really thinks much of it because there isn’t much to think about!

Bethlehem is small and seemingly of no consequence until it shows again that little is much when God is in it. Bethlehem, out of its “little” gave in abundance to a world and its residents an event of such significance that nothing could or would ever be the same.

You overcome the odds, God!

Help me not to think in terms

of how little I might have

but how my little could affect

a change that mattered.

Amen.

A Calm Fidgeting

2010-12-07T07:28:00.001-07:00

I wait for your salvation, O Lord.

Genesis 49:18

Every day I always spend a certain amount of time waiting. And I confess - I don’t like to wait. But no amount of neck craning, fidgeting or dashing seems to quicken my wait time. A quick trip to the market is extended because of the “quick trips” of others. My drive to work is stalled due to road work. Living and waiting walk hand in hand, and in my case, uncomfortably!

And now is the time of Advent—a time of waiting for the salvation of God. But with this waiting comes hope, promise of a future. There is a "known" in the waiting--Jesus bearing witness to God in his flesh. All my other waiting pales by comparison. I am humbled in this waiting.

Throughout the coming days as I wait in line for whatever reason I want to consider waiting as an opportunity. Instead of fuming over time lost, I want to work on rejoicing in the time gained to consider and wonder at Who I am waiting for.

Jesus, calm my fidgeting spirit

as I eagerly wait for you!

Amen.

In Good Company

2010-12-06T00:00:00.001-07:00

If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.

John 15:18

Confronting people makes me uncomfortable and even though I know that their behavior or attitude is wrong it is easier to avoid them and the issue, than to confront. Fear of their anger warps me and overshadows the effect of their destructiveness. I hope, that by ignoring the “problem”, it will disappear. So far, I haven't found that to be the best approach!

During Jesus’ ministry the attacks against his character increased, almost daily. Even by the third chapter in the gospel of Mark, the Pharisees have already joined up with their arch enemies, the Herodians, plotting Jesus' destruction. They hated Jesus and their hatred drove them to cunningly plot his demise.

I haven't known a level of hatred where my life is in danger but I have felt the heat of someone’s hatred. Jesus was hated because he confronted sinful behavior. He wasn’t afraid of speaking truth, bringing to daylight the dysfunctions and sinfulness that thrive in shadows.

As a follower of Jesus Christ I am called to confront what I know to be sinful. Whether it be in myself, my church, a friend or family member, I can't be afraid to bring into the light what has lived in the dark. Hatred may be my “reward”, but my strength lies in the knowledge that I am in the good company of Jesus who endured a hatred that led him to his death, but also to his resurrection.

Jesus, forgive me when I see sinful behavior, allowing
it to continue to live in the shadows.
I am afraid of the anger and hatred I might get back.
Help me to be bold in your strength.Amen.

Image--White Crucifixion, Marc Chagall, 1938

Quality Life

2010-12-03T00:00:00.001-07:00

I waited patiently for the Lord…

Psalm 40:1

Patience has never been my virtue, which is probably why I seem to need to learn the same lesson repeatedly! My mother says that in my eagerness to get going I jogged in place in the womb. Not much has changed. I like to see things happen—quickly. So, when confronted with obstacles that slow down my progress, instead of seeing them as moments of reprieve and rest, I view them as nuisances. But, in my defense, I am learning a life-changing lesson. These obstacles are becoming prayer moments.

The psalms talk frequently of waiting, patience, be still. The psalms know me pretty well! Rushing from project to appointment I become frustrated, irritated and annoyed that life isn’t as “smooth” as I want it. Like the stop signs held by road workers, obstacles are constant,. But fuming over being stopped doesn’t get me to my destination any faster. Patiently waiting, being still is what allows God’s voice to be heard and in hearing our spirits are quieted.

It’s hard to be still. But I’m finding that there is a greater richness to the quality of life with the obstacles. Without them I would be more apt to forget to take in the surrounding view and more importantly keep a listening ear open to the heart of God.

Thought for the Day: How often during the day am I “still” ready to hear God’s voice?

Jesus, forgive my rushing life.

I want to accept the obstacles as stop signs that allow me

more time with you.

Amen.

Prayer. . .A Convo

2010-12-02T00:00:00.002-07:00

Pray all the time.

I Thessalonians 5:17 (The Message)

I know that praying is important. But there seems to be an elusive quality about it in that I'm not always sure just "how to do it." Once in conversation with a group of people I discovered that some "prayed" once a day. I was left wondering if they talked to their friends, spouses, family "once a day." I heard a pastor call a congregation to 90 minutes of prayer a day for the purpose of spiritual growth in their community. The grumbling I heard about how "impossible" or "difficult" it was again promoted me to ponder over how much time is spent watching television, reading or even exercising!

Most of my daily activities are intentionally planned, intentionally executed, intentionally accomplished. Prayer somehow falls, too often, through the cracks of my intentionality.

When I listen to prayers it seems that it is often approached as a one way conversation. Most of my friends wouldn't tolerate my friendship for very long if I sat and talked at them for 90 minutes. Our friendship continues and flourishes because we talk in a mutual back and forth conversation. Its the talking and listening that makes a rich and satisfying experience.

But, prayer has made a significant difference in my life. Some days are spent with 30 minutes here, 15 minutes there and so on. Other days there is a total immersion into the refreshing waters of prayer. It has been life changing. My days have become turning off the radio while driving to a appointment and I find I've just had a 25 minute conversation. Standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes listening to God's Spirit suddenly 20 more minutes have passed.The days and hours of intentional prayer have given me life at times when I have felt life waning.

If you're like me, sometimes I wonder about "how to do it" or even "when" but when I think of it in terms of a conversation, I realize that prayer is a back and forth convo with the One who made me and wants to be in relationship with me.

Speak Lord, your servant is listening. . .

and occasionally talking!

Amen.

2010-12-01T04:40:00.000-07:00

It's been a good break, but now it's time to start thinking and writing again. Thank you for joining me again on the journey! Thank you for your comments. I appreciated and loved hearing from you.

Joy in Darkness

2010-12-01T04:34:00.001-07:00

Even though troubles came down on me hard, your commands
always gave me delight.

Psalm 119:143

“I don’t know why Job had so many problems. He just got hit with all sorts of stuff and I can’t remember what he did,” said my eighty plus year old friend. “Absolutely nothing.” I quickly replied as I remembered all the times in the the last several years I’d gone back to Job and wondered at God’s “permission” for Satan to give a crack at bringing Job down. It made me think that maybe God had given his “permission” for my life as well!

Trouble isn’t “fair” in its distribution. For some life seems to offer little difficulty while others get far more than their “fair” share. Truthfully, I find the lack of a “fairness” quotient in life troubling!

But, Job does bring me comfort of sorts. Through all the loss, all the discomfort, all the pain God remains in Job’s space. God knew and was confident that He had built Job to last. However, Job also reminds me of all my own classic responses – upbeat, initially, with a slow slide into despair.

Job’s life had been shaped by disciplines that gave him what he needed most when most needed. He had lived, studied, and knew God along with His commands. It’s these commands, God's promises, that paved the road for Job, leading him through the darkness and into the light. In the end he says with complete confidence, “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” (Job 42:2)

Always present God! When troubles come down on me hard,

don’t take them away, but bring me the memory

of your promises so that I can find joy in the darkness.

Amen.

Changes Happen

2010-11-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

God has a way of intervening in one's life and such is the situation with mine. For almost three years my husband and I have been ministering in a conflicted church environment. It has left us weary and exhausted but we have also grown through the experience. As of Sunday, November 14 we are no longer part of this congregation. In the meantime God had opened up another ministry opportunity for me as Executive Directore of a pregnancy care center.

What this means for On Crooked Knees is a needed time to regroup and pray. It doesn't seem possible, but I've been writing weekly devotionals for On Crooked Knees for almost three years! Thank you for joining me on the journey.

I'm going to take time off from writing for the next two weeks. Your prayers are appreciated and hopefully on December 1 you'll see a new devotional in your e-mail box or on this site. I am open to however God leads. May you all have a Thanksgiving filled with visions of all the blessings you have received this past year - even if it has been a year of challenges!

Blessings,
Valerie

Traveling to Ninevah

2010-11-11T00:00:00.001-07:00

But Jonah got up and went the other direction to Tarshish,
running away from God.

Jonah 1:3 (The Message)

I can remember exactly which road I was driving when I uttered-- “Lord, I want to really know what it means for you to live in me and me in you.” At the time I thought it a prayer of honesty and perhaps, a point of "discussion" with God. He apparently took me at my word because since that day there have been more times than I can count that I have wanted to do a Jonah—get up and go in the other direction.

Jonah wasn’t ignorant of what God was asking him to do. He knew the politics of Ninevah and that his life could be in jeopardy if he went with God’s “message.” To follow God’s direction, to live in him, would be a dangerous delivery. Ultimately, he valued his life more than God’s control.

When God lives in me, control over my life is lost. And I can plan on hardships along the way that ultimately will draw me further up and further into the Kingdom of God. Ninevah was a hardship for Jonah but he didn’t control the ending.

Years later I realize that God has answered my prayer. In the beginning I fought my Ninevahs because, like Jonah, they were too difficult, too risky, too challenging, too dangerous. I have never gotten to Tarshish. But many of my Ninevahs have turned out better than expected. Of this I am certain, each visit has drawn me further into the Kingdom.

I hear your voice calling, God.

Help me to not run away in fear.

My desire is to move in the direction of each Ninevah you send my way.

Amen.

Image - Jonah heads to Tarshish

Don't Be Silenced

2010-11-10T00:00:00.001-07:00

Don’t be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies.
There’s nothing they can do to your soul…Save your fear for God,
who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands.
Matthew 10:28 (The Message)

Chinese Christian Brother Yun, is acquainted with bullies. As part of the growing house church movement in China for over forty years, he has been beaten within an inch of his life numerous times and suffered persecution beyond what any healthy mind could imagine. He has never, however, allowed the bullies to silence him.

Inside and outside the church there are an abundance of bullies. Unfortunately, there are even more who have been bullied into silence. Although seeing injustice and mistreatment the silent ones turn their heads away hoping that it will go away. Afraid that if they speak up and take action they’ll lose friends, lose their position or just plain lose the fight they remain silent. As a result, people get beaten up and destroyed because the silent ones are more afraid of the bullies than of the One who holds in His hand their entire life.

Power and control are the food for bullies. But Jesus is the only One who has complete power and control. When I am bullied or see others bullied I cannot be afraid to speak the truth. Bullies are detrimental and destructive but their effects are mild compared to God’s response if we don’t fight their efforts, in boldness and love, with God’s truth.

Jesus, you never allowed the bullies to silence you.

When you saw shameful actions, heard damaging words,

and witnessed abuse you spoke boldly about who God wants us to be.

Help me, Jesus to no longer be silent but to speak your gospel truth.

Amen.

Image - A Bully Free World

No Excuses

2010-11-09T00:00:00.001-07:00

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.

Psalm 51:3

Growing up I heard all kinds of “personal” testimonies. At every “come to Jesus” worship service there would always be a speaker who mesmerized me with stories of their “life of sin.” My life seemed depressingly boring by comparison. I loved hearing how God had reached down and pulled them out of their sin pit. Somehow it gave more meaning to the concept of being “saved.” I loved Jesus, but I didn’t really know what I needed to be “saved” from! At least that is what I thought, then.

Acknowledging sin is usually the snag that trips up Jesus followers. When a “good” life has been lived it becomes particularly challenging – what exactly should be “confessed?”

It’s easy to focus on the “biggies” when faced with confession. But the Bible doesn’t mention the “biggies” nearly as often as those behaviors we don’t always consider “sin”—bad tempers, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk and lying (Colossians 3:8-9a The Message). A reasonable, plausible excuse can usually be found for any one of these “sins.” But sin is sin and no excuses are available.
When faced with “no excuses” sin there is no escaping confession. Whether they are conscious or unconscious sins, confession opens the door to a saved life.

Generous in love—God, give grace!

Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record.

Scrub away my guilt, soak out my sins in your laundry.

I know how bad I’ve been;

my sins are staring me down.

Amen. (Psalm 51:1-2 The Message)

Image - The Blasphemer

Wash Me! Restore Me!

2010-11-08T07:25:00.000-07:00

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,

and cleanse me from my sin.

Psalm 51:2

Loving God, who sees and knows all, even those things that I think I have safely hidden away, forgive me. I need your confronting hand to show me behaviors, speech and life choices that fall painfully short of what you want from me. It is only in your confronting that I see how I am living versus how you want me to live.

The world today is angry and mean. People fear losing everything they have gained and in their fear lash out. In their meanness they say and do things they perhaps never thought possible. I discover that too often instead of being a light in the midst of this darkness I am infected by their spirits of anger and fear. My response is to do in kind as I have received. Forgive me, God! Help me to not succumb to these dark spirits!

Let me see the joy of my salvation and know again the pleasure of living in your presence. Pour your cleansing water, like a flood, over me and with the pouring, I pray all that stubbornly clings to me would be washed away.

I pray for your shield to protect me from all that seeks to co-op me!

Let my words be your sweet honey to all with whom I speak. Let my actions reflect the love you give to me daily. I am your creation. In your washing, restore me to your beautiful original. Amen.

Mercy on Me

2010-11-05T00:00:00.001-06:00

Have mercy on me, O God…

Psalm 51:1a

I know people who live out their “Christian” life in this way—God helps those who help themselves. They can't comprehend that the God who gave them life also wants to help them. I believe that God is intimately acquainted with me. But for me to be intimately acquainted with God takes humility. The God helps those who help themselves approach doesn’t allow room for humility. The emphasis is on the individual, the power of “me.”

Humility is the defining characteristic of an unpretentious and modest person, someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others (wikipedia.org). This is the attitude of a Jesus follower coming to confession. When I ask God to have mercy on me, it is the first step in acknowledging that my life is nothing without God’s presence and this moves me towards repentance. True confession, honest repentance cannot begin without this stepping.

“Helping ourselves” isn’t the Jesus way. God didn’t create us so that we could “go it alone” or “make our own way.” By asking for God’s mercy, I identify him as the Creator of my life. It is at this point of our saying, have mercy on me, O God that humility overtakes my pretentions and he can continue finishing the good work He has begun.

Have mercy on me, O God.

I cannot help myself and my life is nothing without you.

Amen.

2010-11-04T00:00:00.002-06:00

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

Psalm 51:10

I've been thinking a lot about confession and the steps that are necessary to come to that place of a “right spirit.” Confession is at the heart of our Christian faith and yet in our prayers, in our relationships, in our Christian communities confession isn’t practiced very regularly. I once read an article about the increasing number of web sites that offer "anonymous online confession" and the number of "hits" they were receiving. Given the high number of “hits” it would appear that as individuals, as a church, as a culture we are in desperate need of God's confronting Spirit.

There’s a reason why genuine confession and repentance is so difficult, it entails coming to God, silent, listening to what he has to say about what he sees and knows isn't right. Generally I don't like being confronted even if I know I'm wrong! Quite frankly, it's a painful experience. Consequently, being confronted by my Creator is particularly intimidating because of His x-ray vision that sees beyond the superficial, looking at the heart, which is “deceitful above all things, and desperately sick” (Jeremiah 17:9 ESV).

My mind tells me that sin is anything that goes against what God desires. But defensively I tend to put a "value" on sin which helps me avoid culpability. Surely, a little “constructive criticizing" of my church leaders isn't nearly as "sinful" as murder. Passing along information that in the passing loses it’s truth and perhaps isn't mine to share--well, come on now, "gossip" can't possibly be held to the same standard as breaking my marriage vows!

There are an endless number of excuses that I can generate for my sins. But whether it be gossip or slander, selfishness or willfulness, murder or adultery, it all has the same “value” to God. Unfortunately, sin is sin. God just doesn't see sin with my “creative” nuances.

In order to experience spiritual growth and maturity, along with spiritual health, a willingness to hear God's confronting voice is necessary. I'm bound to be surprised at what He points to because it will probably be those little “sins” I thought innocuous, that I did in "love", I thought didn't really hurt anyone or believed, self-righteously, that I was doing the “right thing.”

Little or big, sins are destructive. Restoration, transformation, healing begins when I and my fellow believers humbly fall on our faces praying,

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

and renew a right spirit within me.

Untangle Me

2010-11-03T00:00:00.001-06:00

When he was alone with his disciples,
he went over everything, sorting out the
tangles, untying the knots.

Mark 4:34 (The Message)

I’m here to tell you that my husband can untangle anything! Early during our dating I found him with a coed’s tangled mess of necklaces on a table before him. Sometimes the process took longer than others but his patience always paid off, he never failed to unravel the knots. He was the “go to” guy for sorting out all sorts of tangles.

Getting into a knot is much easier than getting out of one. Like a pile of tangled necklaces, the life choices that I make can suddenly knot me up. The harder I try to detangle myself, the more tightly knotted I become. I need a patient hand to unravel me.

Jesus saw a lot of tangled, knotted up people. For some their knots were of their own making. For others their tangles came about due to illness, cultural estrangements or political decisions. But all of them needed the patient hand of Jesus to sort them out and he never failed to unravel every single knot. There were those, like the Pharisees, who in their panic tightened their knots, but for those who wanted to be un-tangled Jesus spoke, “Your sins are forgiven.”

It doesn’t matter how my knots came into being. But I have to stop running around trying to untie them myself! My feeble efforts only make them tighter. The patient hand of Jesus will take my tangled messes and unravel them to beauty.

Jesus, time spent with you

makes things far less complicated and tangled.

Help me to remember that whatever the situation,

Your patient hand will unravel it.

Amen.

Inside Out

2010-11-01T00:00:00.001-06:00

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and
slander be put away from you.

Ephesians 4:31

My eyes, actually my whole face, usually tells everyone exactly what I’m feeling! I wish it wasn’t so but I just can’t seem to hide what lives inside. When I sit in an airport I like to people watch and I’ve stopped being shocked at what I see. I’ve seen plenty of fearful eyes, bitter eyes, empty eyes, angry eyes. But occasionally I have seen eyes whose obvious contentment has refreshed me.

Whatever I have set up house for in my soul, whether anger or bitterness, peace or joy, it ultimately finds its way out the door of my eyes as well as my mouth. God created me as a living being with my physical, emotional and spiritual lives intricately connected. It is impossible to keep hidden whatever I take in on a regular basis. It’s like overeating! Eventually I don’t need the scale because the results are all too obvious in the mirror.

Jesus was surrounded by Pharisees angry about how he was upsetting their traditions. But he never succumbed, even to the point of his death, to their anger. Paul reminds me of this truth. To be a follower of Jesus I have to throw away all those emotions that make my eyes and mouths less than satisfying to see or hear.

Bitterness, anger, clamor and slander are everywhere. But I have the message of the Kingdom! I pray I can make a difference when the Kingdom Message is all that people can read on my face. Let my eyes shine!

Jesus, You brought the message of the Kingdom--

bringing joy, promise, hope and love.

Help me to evict all that prevents your

Kingdom message from being seen and heard.

Amen.

Restoring Inner Peace

2010-10-28T00:00:00.001-06:00

Jesus shut him up: “Quiet! Get out of him!”

Mark 1:25 (The Message)

Isn’t it interesting that the first healing, found in the gospel of Mark, is one where Jesus expels a demon that has found a home in the synagogue? Having arrived in Capernaum Jesus heads immediately to the synagogue and begins teaching. Right there smack in the middle of the synagogue, where they gathered for the Sabbath, the first recognition of Jesus’ identity comes from a demon. The encounter sets the stage for the drama that increasingly unfolds as Jesus begins his ministry. The demons consistently recognize the power of a Jesus spoken word.

In my life I've experienced varying degrees of difficulties. Usually, just when I’m setting the table for a good pity party for one, along comes a “perspective” story. It’s always a story of someone else’s difficulties that simply ruins my well laid table of self pity! Of course, I shouldn’t be having pity parties to begin with; Jesus doesn’t want to be a guest at my pity party. He wants to heal me, inside out.

When I find myself with issues that “drive me insane”, problems that “torment me”, or worries that “plague me” Jesus willingly speaks into my turmoil, “Quiet! Get out of her.” These are the words that will drive out the “demons”, healing me from the inside out, restoring my inner peace.

Jesus, thank you that you have the authority

to speak the words, “Quiet! Get out of her!”,

bringing me healing from the inside out.

Amen.

Photo of Turmoil

Living Resurrected

2010-10-27T00:00:00.008-06:00

Unbind him, and let him go.”

John 11:44c

Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. But before Lazarus could live he had to be unbound. Life came when Lazarus could again move every joint, every muscle, every limb, freely. At his unbinding he could get out and live his new life.

I once heard a sermon on living the resurrected life. The preacher exhorted his listeners to live out the Lazarus story by believing that Jesus could do the same in their lives. They may have been beaten down, trampled on, discouraged, feeling like death itself, but Jesus could speak into their “dead” lives “Lazarus, come out.”

I needed to hear this message. But it was Jesus’ final words that hit home. Living the resurrected life was available if I believed, but there was a key essential that had to happen to be truly free. Jesus needed to unbind all the straps that kept me bound up.

Straps could be a a vareity of things. In a church they may be systemic issues of control, gossip or traditions that bind up the resurrected life. Individually they may be negative attitudes, unrealized desires or paralyzing fears that keep me tied up.

Whatever the straps, Jesus says, “Unbind him, and let him go.” He wants me to live a resurrected life, unbound by anything that keeps me bound to the status quo. Living His gift of a resurrected, unbound life is to live a new life.

Jesus, thank you for the gift of a resurrected life.

Help me to live in that new life by speaking the words,

“Unbind him, and let him go.”

Amen.

Getting Outside

2010-10-26T00:00:00.000-06:00

I stand by the door.
I neither go too far in, nor stay too far out,
the door is the most important door in the world--it is the door through which folk
walk when they find God.
There's no use my going way
inside and staying there,
when so many are still outside,
and they, as much as I,
crave to know where the door is.

Samuel Moor Shoemaker

People often find safety within the confines of their church community. Even if they have a life "out there" that's exactly where it stays "out there." Afraid to allow their various worlds to combine they keep separated their "spiritual" life from their "worldly" one. One "world" consequently knows very little about the other. If God isn't ashamed to call us his own, why are we relunctant to claim that relationship when it comes to our "worldly" friends? At such a time as this, we can't afford to go where it is safe and close the door behind us. Standing in the doorway, as Shoemaker describes, is keeping open to whatever opportunity might arise to open the door to the kingdom to whomever passes by.

May you see today the opportunities that God brings your way.

A Prayer for You Today

2010-10-25T08:01:00.000-06:00

I Kings 3:12-13

Lord, You know I am Your servant, so give me understanding. Protect me from deception. Give me wisdom. When people try to trick me or confuse me with their questions and clever arguments, help me to see their heart. Help me to know when to say nothing. Help me to know when to answer what they are saying. Help me to know when it is an unspoken question that I should be answering.

Teach me to recognize the moments when You wait to intervene, so I can say, 'It is time--YOU work now, Lord!'

Celtic Daily Prayer

Glory in the Desert

2010-10-22T00:00:00.001-06:00

“My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

Exodus 33:14

I can relate to Moses. He tried to avoid his God given responsibility. Picked by God from his birth, for a destiny he never imagined, Moses knew first hand the range of emotions and experiences that happen when one obeys God. There had been heart stopping, God-glory moments when he and the other Israelites first escaped Egypt. But as days and weeks passed into years, the unending desert vistas began to take their toll. Moses had been chosen by God for a job which seemed to only accentuate his inadequacies.

Despite all that Moses had seen of God’s glory in the desert, when it got tough he needed assurance that God was still there. And instead of God getting angry at Moses’ need, God but gives him a God-glory encounter like he has never experienced (read the whole of Exodus 33).

It’s this same God that walks with me every day, even when I feel He his distant. It is perhaps in my most desperate times that I hear His voice most clearly, because in my questioning, and my desire to know, I listen more intently.

Thought of the day: What God-glory moments have I experienced?

Help me to know your presence every day.

When my day is dry, lead me to water.

When I am weary, help me hear, “I will give you rest.”

Amen.

Like a Child

2010-10-21T00:00:00.002-06:00

…whoever does not receive the kingdom of God, like a child, shall not enter it.

Mark 10:15

We were locked out of the house! Tears puddling, my small niece tentatively asked, “Aunt Val, how are we going to get back in?” Gathering her up, I asked, “Do you trust me to take good care of you and find a way back in the house?” Nodding her head and griping my outstretched hand we walked away from the locked door and towards a plan of action. She never again asked how my task would be accomplished. Instead, she went about her play, confident that I would do what I had promised.
A child’s trust is humbling. No wonder Jesus used it as a point of reference for spiritual maturity. Children have the ability to believe what they cannot understand. Somewhere adults lose this gift; turning believing into a challenge. With each downturn come the questions—why did it happen, how will we survive, what next?

Being ignorant or naïve isn’t a Jesus follower requirement. Instead, Jesus gives us a picture of believing, that in spite of not knowing how or why, when God promises that he will “deliver them out of all their troubles” (Psalm 34:17b) we can look into his face, grip his hand and keep living.

Thought for the day: What am I facing presently where I need faith like a child?

Jesus, help me to never outgrow the spiritual gift of a “childish” trust in You.

Amen.

Why Do I Have to Change?

2010-10-20T00:00:00.002-06:00

“Time’s up! God’s kingdom is here.
Change your life and believe the Message.”

Mark 1:15 (The Message)

It’s election time again and just about every politician promises change. In a world that changes faster than my ability to keep up, I keep looking for the “change” that will be positive. Whether it’s “change” that takes me back to some point where I felt comfortable or “change” that takes me out of my discomfort, I tend to only want “change” that keeps me well within my comfort zone.

“Change” shouldn’t happen just for the sake of changing. When Jesus preaches about the good news that God’s Kingdom is now, he’s talking about a “change” with a purpose, change with one goal in mind—life itself.

Peter and Andrew, James and John leave the only life they know to follow Jesus. Their choice of “change” brought financial instability, not only to themselves, but to those who depended on them. What went through their minds as they changed their lives, we’ll never know. But the gospels let us see that their change choice radically altered their lives and changed the course of millions of lives. Their’s was a change for growth and life in God’s kingdom.

When I follow Jesus I have to be ready for life-change. The disciples were on the forward move with Jesus, the message of the Kingdom never changed, but the life lived was always growing.

To grow in Christ, literally “be in Christ” requires me to live life in God’s Kingdom. I’ve discovered that I won’t always be “comfortable”, but my life is richer and much more fulfilling.

Jesus, change is not very comfortable.

By choosing your Kingdom life I know that my life cannot stay the same.

A vote for change means allowing you to do with me what you will.

As uncertain as it is, I choose life in your Kingdom.

Amen.

A Word of Promise

2010-10-19T00:00:00.001-06:00

Every morning I greet the day with readings from my Celtic Daily Prayer Book. In the ten years I've been using this prayer book I have ceased being surprised at how God's speak through either the selected portions of Scripture or the daily readings. The book is made up of two sets of yearly readings and although I've read all of them numerous times in the past ten years different ones rise to the top, ready for skimming!

The last three years have been very difficult in ministry. Days have been filled with unrealized expectations and disappointments. This particular ministry is coming to an end and our future is wholly and completely unknown. We feel as though we are free falling off a cliff.

Then came the following reading this week based on Judges 6:11-14 -

The story is told of a man who tripped and fell off a cliff. Clutching at the grasses on the edge of the cliff he found himself for a moment or two able to hang on and delay his fall.

"Is there anyone up there?" he cried out desperately. "Yes," came the reply, but no further response. "Who are you? Why don't you help me?" shouted the man. "I'm God," said the Voice, "and I will help you. But you must do exactly as I say." "OK," whispered the man, "what have I to do?" "First, let go!" "Is there anybody else up there?" called out the man.

Poor fearful little Gideon had to do something just like that to become the mgihty man of valour God saw him as. Against an army which far outnumbered them, God's solution was to cut back even further on numbers!

Going Camping

2010-10-14T00:00:00.001-06:00

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:23-24

One college summer I decided to memorize Psalm 139. I can’t remember why this particular psalm except that I liked the idea of being known before I was born. Along with memorizing, I would journal my thoughts and pray over the sections. I never anticipated my life being radically changed.

Writer Diana Clancy talks about knowing something so well it “makes camp in you.” The same holds true with memorized verses. When a verse “makes camp in you” it settles in for the duration of one’s life. Turning ten, my parents challenged me to memorize 32 verses in the book of Proverbs. As each verse “made camp” I would say them to my mother telling her what I thought it meant. To this day, those verses are still camping.

Be careful, however, what verses you want to make camp! Anticipate that if you take on a verse about life change, life changing events will happen. If its verses about God’s forgiveness know that confession is around the corner. Expect when you set out to make camp with some verses for God to show up!

My college summer and the end of Psalm 139 coincided. As these verses made camp I kept being reminded of thoughtless words spoken to specific individuals, one whom I hadn’t talk to in over a year. I had been searched and found grievous!

Looking up the individual that kept joining my camp site, I apologized. Fortunately I was forgiven because as it turned out, God showed up and we were married a year later!

God, my heart is open to you.

Search me.

My thoughts are muddled.

Know me.

Show me what has hurt you.

Forgive me.

Lead me, God, to your glory.

Amen.

Checks and Balances

2010-10-13T00:00:00.001-06:00

Pray for us, for we are sure that we
have a clear conscience, desiring to act honorably in all things.

Hebrews 13:18

When making a decision there’s nothing like a clear conscience. But these days it seems that it is increasingly difficult to maintain a clear conscience as we are faced with decisions and choices that are troubling. From encounters with neighbors to co-workers to work ethics to church politics we come up against issues that cause us to double think our reactions. We ask ourselves, are our intentions honorable or do they reside in the muck of self preservation?

Perhaps we’ve been blamed for a broken relationship, a misunderstanding at work, an unrealized expectation or we have been unjustly accused and we wrestle with our conscience as to how we should respond. At times like these wouldn’t it be nice if God would speak, audibly, letting us know if the decisions we’re making are good ones?

As a Jesus follower I frequently have to call in-check my “instinctive” reactions. Unfortunately, I live under the cloud of “human nature” whose instincts lean more towards the category of “sin.” And, it’s for this reason, that I must check myself, listening to the voice of God through the truths of Scripture.

Life is full of checks and balances and I have the perfect scale. To gain a clear conscience and live a life that is honorable means taking the time to pray, study and learn the biblical truths, fighting against what may come “naturally.” But sometimes I’m also called to do the hard thing and confront sin in the community using the Biblical scale to speak the truth.

Jesus, forgive me when I respond to my “nature”

instincts instead of my “redeemed” ones. You

speak through the ministry of your life setting the guidelines in place.

These are what I want to keep me in check.

Amen.

Rearranging the Furniture

2010-10-12T00:00:00.003-06:00

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out.

Romans 12:1-2a (The Message)

One evening my husband and I were invited to dinner at the home of a retired architect and his wife. I looked forward to it because I had heard about his unique home. When I walked in it was evident he had a particular style.

As he walked us around the rooms, showing his careful design which included an enormous billiards table in the middle of the living room, I realized that his initial design had not changed one iota from the time he initially put it all together. He had even designed his environment without consideration of his wife’s one request—there was no dishwasher in the kitchen because, “it didn’t work with my design.” I asked him, “Do you ever change anything around?” “Never,” he retorted, “When I put something down, it stays there.”

My host was so well adjusted to his culture that he never allowed for anything new, whether it be a new arrangement of his furniture, a gift received from a friend or giving his wife her wish of a dishwasher.

As a Jesus follower I can’t take anything for granted or become too settled in my “created” environment. Nothing in my life is too mundane or unimportant for God to take an interest in and want control. Trying to achieve a sense of security I set up my inner house in a way that I find comfortable. I like it comfortable. But God wants all my thought out designs, my collections of whatever is important to me, people, events, my treasured traditions. The kicker is that He makes no promises about keeping my arrangement comfortable.

When I “fix my attention” on God opening the front door and giving him free reign, He will probably want to move around the furniture so that I get a better view--of Him. He may want to get rid of some of the objects that keep me distracted and prevent me from accepting the gifts He wants to give. He may even find, that what I thought kept me connected to Him, is out of order!

One night, my husband and I weren't able to attend the weekly Bible study we had for college students in our home. In total trust, we told the leaders to go ahead and meet in our home. When we walked in the door, later that evening, our equilibrium went haywire! Every piece of furniture, pictures, wall hangings, figurines, plants, everything had been moved slightly. I was completely unnerved, which was their intention! It’s similar to when I totally embrace God’s life instead of my “created” one. I’m going to be changed from the inside out and initially I’ll be uncomfortable, but ultimately I’ll be content with the outcome.

Unlike my architect friend, the day after the “attack of the college students”, I moved everything around and found the new arrangement very refreshing!

Jesus, help me to not become so settled in my life

that I miss the refreshment of living life in You.

Help me not to opt for security and sameness but

to trust that even though You move things around,

You know what is best for me.

Amen.

Eating for the Run

2010-10-11T00:00:00.001-06:00

The angel of God…shook him awake…and said,
“Get up and eat some more—you’ve got a long journey ahead of you.”

I Kings 19:7

No one went out the door without breakfast when I was growing up. I remember thinking, “when I get big I won’t eat breakfast!” In college sleep took precedence over breakfast. Later exercise took precedence over eating. But one morning I set off on what ended up being a longer and more strenuous race walk than planned. Having had nothing to eat since the previous night’s dinner, I collapsed on a nearby patch of grass conscious that I had still had more to go. I hadn’t been prepared. My body was depleted and shaking.

Elijah had embarrassed King Ahab and Jezebel, being one angry wife, threatened Elijah with death. Running for his life he collapses, falling asleep under a bush. But his running has only begun and the angel of God wakes him up demanding he eat. And the angel provides food with so much nutritional value that it sticks with Elijah for his last forty miles!

When I take a road trip my preparations usually include going to the store to buy travel food. My road trip with God also requires some preparations. The difference is that God provides the food - I have to take the time to eat.

Daily “breakfasting” with God will get me down the road in better shape than if I skip the meal. But it takes discipline. In Elijah’s exhaustion eating was probably his last thought. I still don’t like eating breakfast, but I have to admit, eating it makes a huge difference in how I feel for the rest of the day.

Have breakfast with God! It’ll make a huge difference in your day.

Jesus, forgive me when I take on the day

without “breakfasting” with you.

No wonder I grow emotionally and spiritually tired!

Help me to not miss any of the meals you provide.

Amen.

It's in the Details

2010-10-08T00:00:00.001-06:00

This is is the final meditation on James and here are Eugene Peterson's final thoughts--According to church traditions, James carried the nickname "Old Camel Knees" because of thick calluses built upon his knees from many years of determined prayer. The prayer is foundational to the wisdom. Prayer is ALWAYS foundational to wisdom.

What a gift life is to those who stay the course!
You’ve heard, of course, of Job’s staying power,
and you know how God brought it all together for him at the end.
That’s because God cares, cares right down to the last detail.

James 5:11 (The Message)

Frequently I search Job for reassurance; usually to chapter thirty-eight when God finally speaks up. While all the previous chapters lend their comfort in times of difficulty, God speaking out of a violent storm (The Message) shakes me because God, at that moment, claims his authority. The God who decided the earth’s size, hung the stars, and “orders the Morning, Get up!” has a thought for me as well.

Perhaps the most valuable lesson I am in the process of learning is to thank God for life, period. It began a few years ago when in the midst of a debilitating time I literally would choke on the prayer, “thank you for today, thank you for my life.” There were days when the struggle was so fierce that I could barely say them in a whisper. I don’t remember the exact day, but, there came the morning when, with ease, freedom and genuine thankfulness, I boldly prayed these words.

Job’s kind of staying power is impressive and there are definitely lessons to learn. It’s always good to hear, at the very end that whatever Job had lost was returned beyond his imagination. But God’s storm talk holds the real promise during difficult times. And if, like Job, I listen closely, my only response will be—“I’m convinced. You can do anything and everything. Nothing and no one can upset your plan.” Job 41:1 (The Message)

God is the big picture. God is in the details.

Thank you, Father, for this day. Thank you for my life.

I am yours and you are mine.

Thank You for knowing the big and microscopic

of my life bringing it together in a way

that brings glory to You.

Amen.

Living Together

2010-10-07T00:00:00.002-06:00

Deep and living wisdom is on display here, wisdom both rare and essential. Wisdom is not primarily knowing the truth, although it certainly includes that; it is skill in living. For, what good is a truth if we don't know how to live it? Eugene Peterson (The Message: Commentary introduction for the book of James)

You can develop a healthy, robust community
that lives right with God and enjoy its results only
if you do the hard work of getting along with each other,
treating each other with dignity and honor.

James 3:18 (The Message)

Having “matured” into adulthood in the late 70’s my husband and I were fascinated with the idea of living in community. Influenced by Francis and Edith Schaeffer we dreamed of a home where a number of people would live, eat and worship together. And, for about five years we lived out that dream as we opened our home to a number of different full and part time community “residents.” Everyone contributed to the life of our small community through cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, and gardening, at least most of the time.

There were times when someone didn’t get in and do the hard work. Agreements that had been made when moving in were broken. Household jobs were left undone and places set at the table were empty. It was amazing how, when this took place, what had been a smooth and easy operation suddenly jerked and jolted.

When I have the option to pick my friends, getting along isn’t all that difficult. But, put me into a church, a dorm, the workplace and I come face to face with individuals who are my polar opposites. And too many times I have walked away because the effort to be in their “space” takes too much work.

James addresses his letter to a church in the 1st century. It is a letter appropriate for many churches today. Strife and discord plague churches, governments, school boards and neighborhoods because people just don’t want to do the hard work of getting along. The result is that very little gets done and there are lots of empty places at the table.

Jesus, which one of your disciples did you “connect” with?

They seemed as varied as could be imagined and yet you brought them

together, teaching them the hard work of living in community.

Be my Teacher!

Amen.

Action vs. Words

2010-10-06T00:00:00.002-06:00

"The letter of James shows one of the church's early pastors skillfully going about his work of confronting, diagnosing, and dealing with areas of misbelief and misbehavior that had turned up in congregations committed to his care. Deep and living wisdom is on display here, wisdom both rare and essential." Eugene Peterson (The Message: commentary introduction to the book of James)

Dear friends, do you think you’ll get anywhere in this
if you learn all the right words but never do anything?
James 2:14 (The Message)

I once met a woman who by her appearances looked like a perfect Christian woman. She spoke the right words. Her life revolved around her church community. She frequently talked about caring for people in need. But, as time went on, I noticed that everything she did was self focused. There was never a time that I saw her reach out beyond the walls of her church. She talked a Christian line but her words never translated into positive actions.

For those of us who have grown up in the church, Biblical truths can easily become just words. “Well I can’t really live that way,” becomes our excuse because the “truths” we’ve learned are too uncomfortable to live by. New converts are more likely to take literally the Sermon on the Mount, where religious Christians reason that Jesus’ teachings are simply metaphors or even “suggestions” on how to live.

I can go to Bible studies, read my daily devotions, go to inspiring Christian seminars but it becomes a religious hideout unless I get “out there” and do something - taking my talk to the streets actively making a difference in the world’s ghetto.

Jesus, help me to live on the street, outside the protective church walls,

and be Christ to my community.

Amen.

Anything But Ordinary

2010-10-05T00:00:00.001-06:00

Insiders see it (the church) differently. Just as a hospital collects the sick under one roof and labels them as such, the church collects sinners. Many of the people outside the hospital are every bit as sick as the ones inside, but their illnesses are either undiagnosed or disguised. It's similar with sinners inside the church. Eugene Peterson (The Message: Commentary introduction to the book of James)

My dear friends, don’t let public opinion influence
how you live out our glorious, Christ-originated faith.

James 2:1

Once, while employed at a humanitarian non-profit, it became quickly apparent that I was one of a tiny handful of Christians. One evening, after orchestrating a huge fundraising event, several co-workers and I kicked off our shoes to wind down. With cigar smoke curling to the ceiling and beer cans popping around me, I was startled when I became the center of a religious interrogation. Between the jabs and pokes came serious questions and yet there was a general opinion that what I believed, was unbelievable. That evening set the stage for the remainder of my time at that organization.

The barrage of questions never stopped during the duration of my employment and they came most frequently when, alone, I was surrounded by a group of people who could render their opinions. I was watched, constantly. And, of course, there came that time when I lost my cool in a meeting and I witnessed the smirks of “you’re no better than us.”

I don’t really know what marks I left on my last day of employment. My prayer is that in spite of my stumbling, I lived out my faith in Jesus Christ gloriously.

There were times when I simply wanted to be just another ordinary employee, after all we were about “doing good.” But then I would hear Jesus’ voice, calling me out of my wilderness, and I realized again that choosing the Jesus Way makes me anything but ordinary.

Jesus, you lived in a swirl of public opinion.

Thank you for showing me how I can live

my life in a glorious manner!
Help me each day to live out my uniqueness in You.

Amen.