It is generally expected that God will stand by the righteous
and related to those whose deeds and thoughts
are purely altruistic.
I am afraid I just don't belong to that class of people.
I guess I am just a perpetual backslider.
Rather than thinking unselfishly,
I find myself envious and covetous
about those who have so much more than I.
They never seem to have problems.
They are always so strong and healthy.
I doubt that they know the meaning of conflict.
They are proud, carefree,
devil-may-care, even malicious,
and so disgustingly smug about it all.
They act as if God didn't even exist,
and they are almost blasphemous in their attitudes and actions.
And yet people will honor and applaud them;
they find nothing to censor about them.
What aggravates me is their obvious unconcern
about God or fellowman.
Yet they always appear to be so comfortable and well off.
And all the while I struggle so desperately with my sin-permeated nature.
I try so hard to please God, yet my days are full of conflict and my heart seethes in unrest.
I know I speak foolishly and unfairly,
but I get so fed up with it all.
That is, until I begin arguing with God about it.
Then I realize that they are not as well offf as they appear to be.
Their bright bubble will burst one day;
their dream will turn into a nightmare.
It's just that I get so depressed at times,
and I act like a stupid fool.
What is so amazing is that even while engrossed in irrational and unspiritual contemplations
I am never far from You.
You hold me close to Yourself.
You guide me and watch over me.
You assure me that is is all worth it.
And because of this glorious truth
I really have no need for anything else.
The essential desires of my being are met in You.
I shall often be victimized by human failure,
but my great God never ceases to love me and bless me.
How good it is to know that God is always near!